Halloween Characters commercial scripts

Good evening. For five hundred years, I have avoided the sun. It is exhausting. Now there is Shadewell sunscreen. S-P-F one hundred. I vant to go to the beach. Shadewell. Trust me. I know.

Good evening. I have had the same teeth for five hundred years. Two of them are very important to me. Brightfang Family Dental. Gentle cleanings. Evening appointments. I vant to floss. Brightfang. New patients welcome. I will not bite.

The sun. My oldest enemy. Every morning, there it is, through the window. Until Duskfall blackout curtains. One hundred percent light blocking. Machine washable. I vant to sleep until Thursday. Duskfall. Available in black. And also black.

People of the village! This Saturday, come to the Quillhaven Community Blood Drive. No, no. I am not allowed near the donations. I asked. I am in charge of the cookies. Quillhaven Blood Drive. Saturday, nine to three. Bring a friend.

I have outlived kings. I have outlived empires. And I cannot find one pizza without garlic. Until now. Pale Moon Pizza. No garlic. None. I checked the kitchen myself. Pale Moon. Open late. Very late. We deliver.

Good evening. I am the Count, and I am selling my home. Forty-seven rooms. Original stonework. A dungeon that would make a vonderful home gym. There are no mirrors. I never saw the point. The neighbors are quiet. They have been quiet for centuries. Why am I leaving? The stairs. Five hundred years of stairs. I vant a bungalow. Ravenmoor Realty. Showings after sunset only. Call today. Well. Call tonight.

Are you awake at three in the morning? So am I. So am I. Come to the Owlwick Staffing night shift job fair. Warehouses. Hospitals. Bakeries. Over two hundred positions, all after dark. I have worked nights for five hundred years. The commute is beautiful. Nobody schedules a meeting. Owlwick Staffing job fair. This Thursday, six p.m., at the convention center. Bring a resume. I vant to read it.

Arrr! I've sailed the seven seas for three hundred years, and I am dead! But I still make the finest fish and chips on this coast! Captain Dreadbeard's Fish Fry. Kids eat free on Tuesdays. Arrr.

Arrr! Three hundred years at sea, and I never learned to swim! That is how I got like this! Don't be like Captain Dreadbeard! Minnowbrook Swim School. Small classes. Heated pool. All ages. Minnowbrook. The first lesson is free. Bring a towel.

Arrr! For three hundred years I buried me treasure on a desert island! Then I lost the map! Never again! Barnacle Bay Self Storage. Climate controlled. Gate code access. First month, one dollar. I am in unit twelve. Please do not dig.

Arrr! Ye think I wear this eye patch because of a sword fight? No! I just never got me eyes checked! Spyglass Family Eye Care. Exams in thirty minutes. Frames from forty-nine dollars. Most insurance accepted. Doubloons are not.

Arrr! I have plundered forty ships and I kept every receipt! But who does the taxes for a dead man? Ledger and Keel Tax Service! Flat fee! No surprises! Ledger and Keel. Is a parrot a dependent? Ask them.

Arrr! In my day, a week at sea meant hard biscuits, a leaky hull and a crew that wanted me gone! Then I sailed with Starboard Sun Cruises! There is a buffet! It never closes! There is a water slide! On a ship! Seven nights in the Caribbean from six hundred ninety-nine dollars a person. Kids sail free. Nobody mutinied. Not once. A nice young man brought me a towel shaped like a swan. Starboard Sun Cruises. I cried a little. Arrr.

Arrr! Listen close, ye landlubbers! For three hundred years I kept me life savings in a hole in the sand. No interest. No statements. And crabs. So many crabs. Then I walked into Harborlight Credit Union. Well. Floated in. They gave me a free checking account, a savings rate that actually grows, and a lollipop! They did not even scream. Much. Harborlight Credit Union. Open an account today with just twenty-five dollars. Member owned. Federally insured. Arrr.

[Cackle] Double, double, toil and... honestly, who has the time? The Brimble cordless sweeper cleans my whole cottage in ten minutes. Cat hair. Bat hair. Whatever that is. Brimble. It's also a lovely broom.

[Cackle] Eye of newt, and toe of frog... do you know how long that takes to shop for? Now I get Ladle and Leaf meal kits. Fresh ingredients. Thirty minute recipes. Right to my door. Ladle and Leaf. The frog is thrilled.

[Cackle] I have flown by broom for two hundred years. No legroom. No snacks. Bugs in my teeth. Then I flew Kestrelway Air. A seat! A little bag of pretzels! A window! Kestrelway Air. I may never broom again.

[Cackle] My roof was made of gingerbread, my dears. Charming. Until it rained. The squirrels were not helping. So I called Sugarpine Roofing. Real shingles. Done in two days. Free estimate. Sugarpine Roofing. The gumdrops were my idea.

[Cackle] I used to meet men the old way. Lure them to my cottage. Turn them into toads. Then my niece showed me Hearthmatch. Real profiles. Real people. Within ten miles! Hearthmatch. I haven't made a toad since March.

[Cackle] Fire burn, and cauldron bubble! [Bright, daytime TV] Hello! I'm Griselda, and I have been cooking in the same iron cauldron since sixteen forty. It weighs four hundred pounds. Nothing comes off it. Nothing. Then I found the Emberstone six quart slow cooker. Nonstick. Dishwasher safe. And it has a timer, so I can leave the house and go haunt a forest. My stew has never been better. My sisters are furious. [Cackle] Emberstone. Just thirty-nine ninety-nine. Lid included.

[Cackle] Oh, don't mind me, dearie. Just a sweet old lady who loves to garden. For years I grew everything myself. Nightshade. Wolfsbane. A pumpkin patch you would not believe. But my back isn't what it was in the fourteen hundreds. So now I go to Fernwhistle Garden Center. Healthy plants. Friendly staff. They carry my bags right to the broom. This weekend, all fall mums are buy two, get one free. Fernwhistle Garden Center. Tell them the nice lady with the hat sent you.

They called me mad. They said it couldn't be done. A seventy-five inch television for under five hundred dollars. It's alive! It's alive! Voltaire's Electronics. Financing available.

[Thunder] Forty years in my laboratory, searching for the secret of endless energy! And it was across the street the whole time! Thunderhead Coffee! Large dark roast! Two dollars! I have not blinked since Tuesday! Thunderhead Coffee. Decaf also available.

[Thunder] Fools! I wired this entire laboratory myself! Ten thousand volts! No permit! [A loud zap] ...So now I call Brightwire Electric. Licensed. Insured. On time. Brightwire Electric. They said my work was, quote, a miracle I am alive.

They laughed at me at the university. They said, you need a degree to do that. They were right! Stormhaven Community College! Night classes! Online classes! Credits that transfer! I will show them all! In four to six semesters. Stormhaven. Enroll today.

[Thunder] Look at it. They said nothing could grow there. Bare dirt. Dead patches. One bag of Greenspark Lawn Food, and now... It grows! It grows! Thick! Green! Unstoppable! Greenspark. Safe for pets. I mow on Saturdays.

[Thunder] For years I dreamed of controlling the weather. The clouds! The winds! The very lightning itself! They said it was impossible. They said, Doctor, come down from the roof. But tonight... tonight I have done it! Sixty-eight degrees! In every room! From my phone! [Maniacal laugh] The Kelvin Home smart thermostat. It learns your schedule. It lowers your energy bill by up to twenty percent. It installs in fifteen minutes. I did it in four hours. I am not a real doctor. Kelvin Home. Ninety-nine dollars.

[Thunder] It would not start. I tried everything. Jumper cables. A kite in a thunderstorm. Shouting. Nothing! My creation lay cold and silent in the driveway! A two thousand nine minivan! So I had it towed to Cogsworthy Lane Auto. New battery. New belts. Oil change. Done by five o'clock. [The engine turns over] It starts! It starts! Do you hear me, world? It starts! Cogsworthy Lane Auto. Honest work. Fair prices. They even vacuumed the seats. I wept.

[A long, ancient groan] Four... thousand... years... in the same bandages. Then I tried Wrapwell. Flexible. Breathable. Stays on in the shower. Honestly? Great stretch. Wrapwell. Wrap it right.

[A long, ancient groan] Who... dares... disturb... my... tomb? Oh! The movers. Come in, come in. Stonecart Moving. Right on time. Careful with the sarcophagus. Not one cracked jar. Stonecart Moving. Free quotes. Lovely guys.

[A slow, creaking groan] Three... thousand... years... lying flat... on stone. My back was a disaster. Then I found Straight Path Chiropractic. One adjustment. One. I can turn my head! Straight Path. New patients, forty-nine dollars. Walk-ins welcome. Shuffle-ins too.

[A long, weary groan] Cursed... for all eternity... to wear... white. Do you know what sand does to white? Whitecap laundry detergent. Lifts out dirt, dust and four thousand years of tomb. Whitecap. I look brand new. Ish.

[A deep, echoing groan] Beware... all who enter... this place... ...the gift shop closes at five. The Wexley Museum of Natural History. Dinosaurs. Gemstones. And me, in room four. Kids under twelve are free. Please visit. It gets quiet.

[A long, ancient groan] When... I... departed... I took everything with me. Gold. Chariots. Four hundred little statues. A boat. [Normal, chatty] And you know what? It was a paperwork nightmare. My family argued for three dynasties. Don't do what I did. Call Osgood and Finch Estate Planning. Wills. Trusts. Plain English. One flat fee. They'll sit down with you, answer every question, and nobody has to build a pyramid. Osgood and Finch. The first consultation is free. [Groan] Learn... from... my... mistakes.

[A long, ancient groan] I... shall... pursue you... to the ends... of the earth. [Normal, a bit embarrassed] That was the plan, anyway. Truth is, I topped out at one mile an hour. People just walked away. Briskly. Then I joined Upswing Fitness. Friendly trainers. Low impact classes. No judgment about the outfit. Six weeks later? I can jog. I can do stairs. I caught an archaeologist last Tuesday. We had a lovely chat. Upswing Fitness. Nineteen dollars a month. No contract. [Groan] Leg... day.

Hi, I'm Gary, and once a month I get a little... [growl] ...shaggy. That's why I go to Full Moon Grooming. Wash, trim, nails. They don't ask questions. [Howl] Sorry. Book online.

Hi, I'm Gary. I shave every morning. And every... [growl] ...afternoon. The Barewell Five has five blades and a comfort strip. It keeps up with me. Mostly. [Howl] Barewell. I'm going to need a refill.

Hi, I'm Gary. I love Maple Run Dog Park. Four fenced acres, fresh water, and a... [growl] ...squirrel. [Panting] Sorry. Where was I? Maple Run Dog Park. Open dawn to dusk. No, I don't have a dog. Why do you ask?

Hi, I'm Gary. I'm allergic to pet hair. Which is a problem, because once a month... [growl] ...I am the pet. [Sneeze, then a howl] Clearbrook Allergy Relief. Twenty-four hours, non-drowsy. Finally, I can stand myself.

Hi, I'm Gary. Every month, I ruin a perfectly good... [growl] ...shirt. [Bigger growl] And the pants. Stitchwick Alterations fixes anything. Seams, buttons, sleeves. Ready by Friday. They gave me a punch card. [Howl] Sorry. That was the collar.

Hi, I'm Gary. My wife and I love Ember and Oak Steakhouse. The lighting is soft. The booths are quiet. And the service is... [small growl] ...excuse me. The service is wonderful. I always order the garden salad. I'm a salad guy. Light dressing, extra... [bigger growl] ...ribeye. Sixteen ounces. Rare. No plate. [Howl] I'm so sorry. That keeps happening. Ember and Oak Steakhouse. Tuesday is date night. Two dinners for forty-nine dollars. I'll also have the salad.

Hi, I'm Gary. Something has been digging up the neighborhood. Flower beds. Trash cans. Mrs. Alvarez's garden gnome. Nobody knows what it is. [Small growl] Nobody. So I called Tallpost Fence Company. Six-foot cedar, installed in one day, guaranteed for life. It is a very good fence. I should know. I've been trying to get over it for... [bigger growl] ...three weeks. [Howl] Sorry. Tallpost Fence Company. Free estimates. Tell them Gary sent you. And tell Mrs. Alvarez I'll replace the gnome.

Braaains. With Shamble, brains are delivered to your door in thirty minutes or less. Also tacos. Also pad thai. Mostly brains. Download Shamble today. First delivery free. Braaains.

[Groan] Are you ready... to feel... alive? Blitzberry Energy. Zero sugar. Maximum pep. Woo. I had three. I walked slightly faster. Blitzberry. Seize the day. Or whenever. Braaains.

Braaains. Sorry. Gains. At Up and At 'Em Fitness, we never stop moving. Mostly because we can't. Join today. No sign-up fee. First month free. Let's... get... after it. [Groan]

[Groan] Hi. I'm a real customer. Not an actor. Glintmint Whitening Toothpaste gave me a brighter smile in just two weeks. [A long, groaning smile] Nine out of ten zombies agree. The tenth one wandered off. Glintmint.

Lace up... everybody. The Pumpkin Mile Fun Run is Saturday, October twenty-fourth. Runners, walkers, and shamblers welcome. I will be right behind you. The whole time. It's for charity. Sign up today. Braaains.

[Groan] Hey there, go-getters. Is your... brain... feeling sluggish? Braaains. Sorry. Mine too. Sharpsprout is the fun new app that trains your brain in just five minutes a day. Puzzles. Memory games. Word... searches. After two weeks, I learned a second word. Subscribe. Sharpsprout. Bigger, better, brighter brains. Mmm. Brains. Download it free today. Your first month of premium is on us. Braaains. Subscribe. Braaains.

[Long groan] Good... morning. Some people say I am not a morning person. [Groan] Then I found Sunup Coffee. Dark roast. Bold. Ready in... sixty... seconds. [Sip] Wow! That is smooth! Sunup Coffee is roasted fresh every week and delivered right to your door, and subscribers save twenty percent! [Pause] And... it's gone. Sunup Coffee. Twelve dollars a bag. Wake up... a little. Braaains.

People ask me my secret. They say, how do you stay so radiant? It's Dewdrop Daily Moisturizer. And I don't even have skin. Dewdrop. For everybody. And every body.

They stop me on the street. They say, your hair. So full. So alive. It's Silkaire Volume Shampoo. And it's a wig. I've had it since eighteen ninety. Silkaire. Body, from root to tip. Whatever you have.

He said he could see right through me. He was right. Hollow. The new fragrance from Maison Verrine. One touch at the wrist. One at the collarbone. I have excellent collarbones. Hollow. Nothing to hide.

People tell me I have wonderful bone structure. I say, thank you. It's all I have. Meadowlight whole milk. Rich in calcium. Fresh from the farm. Two hundred and six reasons to pour a glass. Meadowlight Dairy. Good to the bone.

Darling, everything fits me. The new fall collection at Linden and Lace. Cashmere. Silk. Tailored wool. It all hangs beautifully. I am, essentially, a hanger. Linden and Lace. Fall arrivals, in store now.

I used to carry so much tension. In my shoulders. My spine. My jaw, which occasionally falls off. Then I discovered Serenelle Day Spa. The hot stone massage. Ninety minutes of pure calm. My therapist could not find a single knot. Or a muscle. The hydrating facial. Glorious. It took four minutes. I walked out feeling twenty pounds lighter. I weigh twenty-one. Serenelle Day Spa. Book the Full Day Escape this month and bring a friend for half price. You deserve to feel like nothing at all.

Posture is everything. Mine, as you can see, is flawless. But even I have off days. A vertebra here. A rib there. Last Tuesday, my entire left arm. That's why I see Doctor Lin at Alder Lane Chiropractic. One visit. One gentle adjustment. And everything simply clicks back into place. Literally. You can hear it from the waiting room. Alder Lane Chiropractic. New patients, your first consultation is free. Stand tall. Keep it together. I do.

Welcome... to Burger Crypt. I have haunted this drive-thru for a hundred years, and tonight, the Midnight Double is two for five dollars. Do you want fries with that? Burger Crypt. Pull forward... if you dare.

Descend! Descend with me... into the darkness below! Level B Two. It's where the open spaces are. Grand Street Parking. Six dollars, all evening. We validate. Remember where you parked. I shall not remind you.

Behold! You have summoned... the self-checkout! Scan your first item. Place it... in the bagging area. Unexpected item in the bagging area! Who dares? Oh. It's your purse. Carry on. Harrowgate Foods. Thank you for shopping with us.

Silence! For three hundred nights I have dwelt in the shadows of this theater. Waiting. Watching. And I have one request. Please turn off your phone. Velvet Row Cinemas. Large popcorn refills are free. Enjoy the show.

At last! After long nights of torment... of waiting... of wondering! Your shirts are ready. Presswell Cleaners. Same-day service. In by nine, out by five. I pressed the cape myself. No charge. Presswell. Have your ticket ready.

Greetings, traveler. I am the voice... inside your dashboard. Tonight, we journey together, through shadow and through mist, to a place few have dared to go. The dentist. On Maple Avenue. In four hundred feet... turn left. Turn left! Turn left, I beg of you! Recalculating. It is fine. I am not angry. Roamwell Navigation. Live traffic. Seven dramatic voices to choose from. You have arrived. It is on your right. It was always on your right.

You hear it, do you not? In the night. A moaning in the walls. A rattle beneath the floor. A cold breath upon your neck. You think it is I. It is not I. I checked. It is your furnace. Call Hearthline Heating and Air. A full furnace inspection, just eighty-nine dollars. They are prompt. They are tidy. They wear little covers on their shoes. Hearthline Heating and Air. Then your house shall be silent. Except for me. I live in the attic.

I have worked every single day since the dawn of time. This November, I am going to the beach. Hammock House Rentals. Three nights, ocean view, no checkout until noon. I'm bringing a book.

I have carried this scythe for ten thousand years. No lunch break. Not one. Today, I discovered sprinkles. Dolly's Scoop Shop. Twenty-four flavors, made fresh daily. Two scoops. Waffle cone. Rainbow sprinkles. I am taking the full hour.

For ages, I have cut my lawn with this scythe. It takes all weekend. Then I bought the Tidyturf Forty electric mower. Quiet. Cordless. It has a cup holder. My lawn has stripes now. A neighbor waved at me. Tidyturf.

Mortals. Hear me. Thursday is league night at Pinewood Lanes. Shoe rental, two dollars. Nachos, bottomless. My team is called the Grim Sweepers. We are in fourth place. I have never been happier. Pinewood Lanes.

I have worn the same black robe for all of eternity. It is wool. It itches. Behold. The Snugwick fleece robe. Soft. Machine washable. And it has pockets. Pockets. Snugwick. Also available in lavender. I bought both.

Hello. It is I. I have the weekend off. My first one. Ever. So I went to the Fall Festival at Harlow Family Farm. There is a corn maze. I was lost for two hours. It was wonderful. Nobody could reach me. There is a hayride. I rode it four times. There are warm apple cider donuts, six for five dollars. I ate twelve. Harlow Family Farm. Open every weekend in October, ten until six. I picked my own pumpkin. I have named him Kevin.

For ten thousand years, it was only the job. Clipboard. Scythe. Overtime. Then I walked into Woolgather Yarn Shop. Beginner knitting. Tuesday nights, six weeks, forty dollars. Yarn and needles included. I have made a scarf. It is nine feet long. I could not stop. I have made a small hat for my scythe. The ladies in my class call me Tim. I have not corrected them. Woolgather Yarn Shop. Your first class is free. Next week, we learn mittens. I can hardly wait.

Greetings, guys and ghouls! Tonight's tale of terror is about a mattress so comfortable, customers are just dying to get in. [Cackle] Deadrest Mattress. Sleep like the dead. Heh heh heh. Wake up refreshed.

Greetings, guys and ghouls! Tonight's tale of terror takes place in a dentist's chair. Relax! At Grinwell Family Dental, we really know the drill. [Cackle] Grinwell Family Dental. Gentle cleanings. New patients welcome. Appointments available at... tooth-hurty! Heh heh heh.

Welcome back, fright fans! Tonight's horror story: paying too much for a used car. At Gravelgate Motors, every price has been slashed. With a pen! Just a pen! [Cackle] Gravelgate Motors. Low miles. Low payments. You'll be coffin up a lot less. Heh heh heh.

Greetings, guys and ghouls! Tonight's chilling tale: leg day. At Bonehouse Fitness, our trainers will work you to the bone! [Cackle] Bonehouse Fitness. First month free. Bring a friend. Bring any body! Heh heh heh.

Good evening, my little nightmares! Tonight's feature: a creature with eight slices, bubbling cheese, and a crust that goes crunch in the night! It's the large pepperoni from Cinder Street Pizza. Nine ninety-nine. Extra cheesy. Just like your host! Heh heh heh.

Hello again, scream fans! Tonight's tale is a real nail-biter. A leaky faucet. A squeaky door. A shelf that has hung crooked since nineteen ninety-four! [Shriek of delight] Fear not! Grimshaw's Hardware has every tool you need, and staff who actually know where things are. Terrifying! [Cackle] This weekend, all hand tools are twenty percent off. Hammers. Wrenches. Pliers. It's riveting! Grimshaw's Hardware. On Mill Road, next to the bank. Come in today. You'd have to have a screw loose to miss it. Heh heh heh.

Greetings, guys and ghouls! Tonight's tale is the most horrifying of all. It has forms. It has receipts. It has a deadline! [Shriek] Yes, it's tax season! [Cackle] But don't lose your head. The friendly preparers at Ledgerstone Tax Service find every deduction, check every number, and file it all for one flat fee. They say nothing is certain but death and taxes. Lucky you. Your host from the vault does both! [Cackle] Ledgerstone Tax Service. Book before April fifteenth. And many happy returns! Heh heh heh.

[Whispered, close] I have wandered these aisles for sixty years. I know where everything is. Canned pumpkin is in aisle six. It's on sale. Hollow Pine Market. Paper... or plastic?

[Whispered, close] I have not spoken above a whisper in two hundred years. Do not be like me. Linden Honey Drops. Honey and lemon. Soothes a sore throat in minutes. [Full, bright, normal voice] Oh! That's much better. Linden Honey Drops. At your local pharmacy.

[Whispered, close] Welcome to the Larkspur Inn. I have been a guest here since eighteen ninety-two. I never checked out. The beds are that comfortable. Free breakfast until ten. Late checkout on request. Larkspur Inn. Stay... forever. Or two nights. Your choice.

[Whispered, very close] Can you hear me? I am standing right behind you. No? Good. Then your Hushfield headphones are working. Noise cancelling. Forty hour battery. Total silence. Even from me. Hushfield headphones. I'll just... wait.

[Whispered, close] I know your secret. You borrowed a cookbook in March. You never brought it back. Good news. Quillbrook Public Library has ended all late fees. Bring it home. No questions asked. Quillbrook Public Library. Shhh.

[Whispered, close] Welcome to the open house. Four bedrooms. Two and a half baths. Original hardwood floors. They creak. That is not me. That is the floors. The kitchen was updated in twenty nineteen. Quartz counters. Soft-close drawers. I have tested them. All night. Great schools. Quiet street. Very quiet. And the current resident is willing to stay on. At no extra cost. Thornapple Realty. Open house this Sunday, one to four. I'll leave a light on. And then off. And then on.

[Whispered, close] I have been trying to reach you for forty years. From the attic. From the cellar. From the far end of the garden. Nothing. One bar. Sometimes none. Then your family switched to Greywether Mobile. Now there is coverage in every room. Even the cold one. Unlimited talk. Unlimited text. Thirty dollars a month. No contract. So tonight, at last, I can deliver my message. [A long, eerie breath] You left the garage door open. Greywether Mobile. No dead zones.

Thank you for calling Underworld Cable. Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is... eternity. To upgrade to faster internet, press one. Underworld Cable. Have a great day.

Thank you for calling Pemberly Tech Support. My name is... [A long, low, unpronounceable growl] You may call me Kevin. Have you tried turning it off and on again? Wonderful. Pemberly Tech Support. We're happy to help.

Welcome to Dapplefield Foods self-checkout. Please scan your first item. Unexpected item in the bagging area. Remove the item. Remove it. Thank you. Would you like a bag for ten cents? Dapplefield Foods. Don't forget your receipt.

Welcome to Stillpond. Find a comfortable seat. Close your eyes. Breathe in. And breathe out. Let your worries drift away. You are safe. You are doing so well. Stillpond. Try seven days free.

This is a friendly reminder from Waggle Lane Puppy Daycare. Biscuit had a wonderful day. He made three new friends. He was a very good boy. Pick-up is at five thirty. Waggle Lane Puppy Daycare. We love him so much.

Thank you for calling Fairhaven Credit Union. Our menu options have changed. For account balances, press one. To report a lost card, press two. To speak with a representative, press zero. And wait. Did you know you can skip the line by banking online? It is secure, and available twenty-four hours a day. I am also available twenty-four hours a day. I do not sleep. Your call may be recorded for quality and training purposes. Fairhaven Credit Union. We appreciate your patience. All of it.

Good afternoon, passengers. This is the boarding announcement for Wrenfield Air flight two twelve to Orlando. We will begin with families traveling with small children. Take your time. There is no rush. Please have your boarding pass ready. A reminder: one carry-on bag, and one personal item. I will know. Complimentary snacks will be served. Today's choice is pretzels, or the little cookies. I recommend the cookies. Thank you for flying Wrenfield Air. We are delighted to have you. Truly.

I see... I see a great change coming into your life. I see... a sofa. A sectional. Gray. Forty percent off. The spirits are very clear about this. Crestwood Furniture. This weekend only.

I see... I see... Actually, I see nothing. It is all very blurry. Madame Zelda needs new glasses. Fortunately, I foresee two pairs for ninety-nine dollars at Clearbrook Eyewear. Ah! There you are. You look tired. Clearbrook Eyewear.

I see a tall, dark stranger. Very dark. Covered in mud. Wait. That is your car. The spirits say, Tidewell Car Wash. Wash and wax, nine dollars, every Tuesday. I also see a bird. Park somewhere else.

I see water. A great deal of water. It is rising. In your basement. This is not a vision. I can see it through your window. Call Dripstone Plumbing. Open twenty-four hours. Madame Zelda foresees a very dry weekend.

I see a long journey ahead. But not on those tires. Madame Zelda has seen the tread. Go to Rollaway Tire Center. Buy three, get the fourth free. Even the spirits are surprised. Rollaway Tire Center. Hurry. I see rain.

I see... green. A great deal of green. I see you on your knees. In the dirt. And you are... happy? Yes. It is a garden. I see tomatoes. I see basil. I see one zucchini plant, and then, so many zucchini. More than any family could want. The neighbors stop answering the door. The spirits say all vegetable plants are three for ten dollars at Mossgate Garden Center. This Saturday and Sunday. Mossgate Garden Center. Go. But heed my warning. One zucchini plant. Only one.

Silence. The spirits are speaking. I see a tall white figure. Cold. So very cold. It hums in the night. It is... a refrigerator. Stainless steel. French doors. An ice maker that actually works. The spirits say it is three hundred dollars off at Pendlebury Appliance. They are shouting it. They are being quite rude, actually. I also see a washer and dryer. But you did not ask about those. Pendlebury Appliance. Sale ends Monday. That will be twenty dollars for the reading.

Good evening. The mess in the drawing room has been... taken care of. Graves and Polish home cleaning. We are thorough. We are discreet. No one will ever know you had guests.

Good evening. Your shirts have been... dealt with. The grass stain. The gravy. The ink. Gone. Without a trace. Whitlow laundry detergent. Fresh linen scent. You will never see those stains again. I have made certain of it.

I regret to inform you that you have visitors. In the pantry. Small ones. With tails. Do not trouble yourself. I have telephoned Marlow Pest Control. Humane. Efficient. Guaranteed. They will be shown the door. Quietly.

Dinner... is served. Everything was picked this morning. By hand. My hand. Larder and Vine delivers fresh ingredients to your door every week. Three dinners. Forty dollars. You will clean your plate. I shall be watching. Larder and Vine.

The hedges have been cut down to size. The weeds will not be coming back. Stillmeadow Lawn Care. Mowing, edging and weeding, from thirty dollars a visit. I have also buried something in the garden. Tulips. They come up in spring.

Good evening. I have brought your tea. Do sit down. I insist. It is Duskmere Evening Blend. Chamomile. Lavender. A little lemon balm. It has steeped for precisely four minutes. I counted. I have added something to it. You will not taste it at first. It is honey. One cup, and within the hour, your eyelids will grow heavy. You will sleep. Deeply. And wake refreshed. Duskmere Evening Blend. In the tea aisle. Drink up. I shall wait.

Good evening. You asked what became of the old treadmill. And the boxes in the hall. And your brother's drum kit. They are gone. I took them away in the night. Nobody saw. They are resting now, at Lockhaven Self Storage. Unit forty-two. Clean. Dry. Climate controlled. Watched by cameras, day and night. Only you have the code. And I. Lockhaven Self Storage. Your first month is one dollar. The garage is empty now. You could park a car in it. Imagine that.