105 over-the-top Halloween character scripts written by us, free to practice with, record and post. Fifteen scary voices, seven scripts each.
Fifteen characters, seven scripts each. Every script puts a big scary voice in an ordinary ad, so a vampire sells sunscreen and a ghost pirate runs a fish fry. Use the Type filter to pick one character and work the same voice through all seven. Most are 15 seconds, which is the right size for a short video.
Good evening.
For five hundred years, I have avoided the sun. It is exhausting.
Now there is Shadewell sunscreen. S-P-F one hundred. I vant to go to the beach.
Shadewell. Trust me. I know.
Direction: Huge old-movie vampire count; rolled R's, cape and all, deadly serious about skincare What it is for: A big character voice that still has to sell a product clearly. Coach's note: Watch out for losing the words in the accent. Go as big as you like on 'I vant', but 'S-P-F one hundred' must be crystal clear. The turn is 'Trust me. I know.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a full character that never drops, and a brand name anyone could repeat.
Good evening.
I have had the same teeth for five hundred years. Two of them are very important to me.
Brightfang Family Dental. Gentle cleanings. Evening appointments. I vant to floss.
Brightfang. New patients welcome. I will not bite.
Direction: Grand old-movie vampire count; low, velvety, rolled R's, deeply proud of his dental hygiene What it is for: Holding a heavy character accent while keeping a business name and an offer easy to understand. Coach's note: Watch out for swallowing the brand inside the accent. Roll the R in 'Brightfang' if you like, but every consonant has to arrive. The turn is the small, reassuring 'I will not bite.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a character that stays huge while the selling lines stay clean.
The sun. My oldest enemy. Every morning, there it is, through the window.
Until Duskfall blackout curtains. One hundred percent light blocking. Machine washable.
I vant to sleep until Thursday.
Duskfall. Available in black. And also black.
Direction: Weary, aristocratic vampire count; slow and tragic about sunlight, then delighted about fabric What it is for: Playing two moods in one short read: long-suffering drama, then simple product joy. Coach's note: Watch out for playing the whole spot as doom. Let him brighten on 'Until Duskfall' so the features sound like good news. The turn is the deadpan 'And also black.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a mood change you can hear, without the accent slipping.
People of the village! This Saturday, come to the Quillhaven Community Blood Drive.
No, no. I am not allowed near the donations. I asked.
I am in charge of the cookies.
Quillhaven Blood Drive. Saturday, nine to three. Bring a friend.
Direction: Booming, theatrical vampire count making a public announcement, then a little sheepish What it is for: Going from a big announcer-style proclamation to a small, honest aside and back again. Coach's note: Watch out for rushing the aside. 'No, no. I am not allowed near the donations' needs to drop in volume and slow down. Keep the day and times crisp. The turn is 'I am in charge of the cookies.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for comic timing on the aside and a clear date and time.
I have outlived kings. I have outlived empires. And I cannot find one pizza without garlic.
Until now.
Pale Moon Pizza. No garlic. None. I checked the kitchen myself.
Pale Moon. Open late. Very late. We deliver.
Direction: Majestic, ancient vampire count; epic and wounded, as if garlic were a personal betrayal What it is for: Treating a tiny problem with enormous dramatic weight, then landing a plain call to action. Coach's note: Watch out for racing through the short lines. 'No garlic. None.' are separate beats, each one heavier than the last. The turn is the quick, everyday 'We deliver.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for grandeur with a sense of humor and a tag that sounds like a real pizza place.
Good evening. I am the Count, and I am selling my home.
Forty-seven rooms. Original stonework. A dungeon that would make a vonderful home gym.
There are no mirrors. I never saw the point.
The neighbors are quiet. They have been quiet for centuries.
Why am I leaving? The stairs. Five hundred years of stairs. I vant a bungalow.
Ravenmoor Realty. Showings after sunset only. Call today. Well. Call tonight.
Direction: Elegant old-movie vampire count giving a property tour; smooth, proud, a touch tired of the stairs What it is for: Sustaining a character accent across thirty seconds of list copy without every line sounding the same. Coach's note: Watch out for giving every feature the same sinister purr. Change the color on each one: proud of the rooms, casual about the mirrors, honest about the stairs. The turn is the correction, 'Well. Call tonight.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for variety inside the character and a selling read that still sounds like a real listing.
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Are you awake at three in the morning? So am I. So am I.
Come to the Owlwick Staffing night shift job fair. Warehouses. Hospitals. Bakeries. Over two hundred positions, all after dark.
I have worked nights for five hundred years. The commute is beautiful. Nobody schedules a meeting.
Owlwick Staffing job fair. This Thursday, six p.m., at the convention center.
Bring a resume. I vant to read it.
Direction: Warm, conspiratorial vampire count; a night person talking to other night people, rolled R's and all What it is for: A character read that has to carry real event details: what, when and where. Coach's note: Watch out for letting the accent blur the details. 'This Thursday, six p.m., at the convention center' should be the clearest line in the spot. The turn is the eager 'I vant to read it.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for charm, a consistent accent and event details a listener could write down.
Arrr! I've sailed the seven seas for three hundred years, and I am dead!
But I still make the finest fish and chips on this coast!
Captain Dreadbeard's Fish Fry. Kids eat free on Tuesdays.
Arrr.
Direction: Roaring ghost pirate, all gravel and thunder, who is thrilled about coleslaw What it is for: Sustaining a loud, rough character for a full read without shredding your voice. Coach's note: Watch out for pushing from the throat. Support the growl from your belly. The turn is the drop to a polite, normal 'Kids eat free on Tuesdays.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for commitment and control: big, rough and still understandable.
Arrr! Three hundred years at sea, and I never learned to swim! That is how I got like this!
Don't be like Captain Dreadbeard!
Minnowbrook Swim School. Small classes. Heated pool. All ages.
Minnowbrook. The first lesson is free. Bring a towel.
Direction: Roaring, gravelly ghost pirate giving a heartfelt safety warning at full volume What it is for: A loud, rough character that drops into a clean, friendly list of features. Coach's note: Watch out for grinding the growl in your throat. Support it from your belly and sip water between takes. The three features need daylight between them. The turn is the gentle, practical 'Bring a towel.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a big rough voice that can still deliver a tidy feature list.
Arrr! For three hundred years I buried me treasure on a desert island! Then I lost the map!
Never again!
Barnacle Bay Self Storage. Climate controlled. Gate code access. First month, one dollar.
I am in unit twelve. Please do not dig.
Direction: Thundering ghost pirate, furious at himself about a lost map, then quietly protective of his unit What it is for: Controlling volume: a roar at the top, a business-like middle and a near-whisper at the end. Coach's note: Watch out for staying at a roar the whole way. Bring the level down for the offer so 'First month, one dollar' is easy to hear. The turn is the hushed, polite 'Please do not dig.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for dynamic range inside one character.
Arrr! Ye think I wear this eye patch because of a sword fight?
No! I just never got me eyes checked!
Spyglass Family Eye Care. Exams in thirty minutes. Frames from forty-nine dollars.
Most insurance accepted. Doubloons are not.
Direction: Gravel-voiced ghost pirate confessing something embarrassing as loudly as possible What it is for: Asking a question in a big character voice, then answering it with a punchline. Coach's note: Watch out for flattening the question. Lift the end of 'because of a sword fight?' and leave a beat before 'No!' Keep the price clear through the gravel. The turn is 'Doubloons are not.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a set-up and pay-off that land, with numbers that survive the growl.
Arrr! I have plundered forty ships and I kept every receipt!
But who does the taxes for a dead man?
Ledger and Keel Tax Service! Flat fee! No surprises!
Ledger and Keel. Is a parrot a dependent? Ask them.
Direction: Booming ghost pirate who is unexpectedly organized, ending on a small, sincere question What it is for: Ending a loud read on a quiet, thoughtful line without losing the character. Coach's note: Watch out for shouting the last line. He truly wants to know about the parrot, so drop the volume and keep the gravel. Rest your voice if it starts to scratch. The turn is 'Is a parrot a dependent?' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a character with a real thought behind the noise.
Arrr! In my day, a week at sea meant hard biscuits, a leaky hull and a crew that wanted me gone!
Then I sailed with Starboard Sun Cruises!
There is a buffet! It never closes! There is a water slide! On a ship!
Seven nights in the Caribbean from six hundred ninety-nine dollars a person. Kids sail free.
Nobody mutinied. Not once. A nice young man brought me a towel shaped like a swan.
Starboard Sun Cruises. I cried a little. Arrr.
Direction: Roaring ghost pirate overwhelmed with joy; all gravel, getting more amazed with every feature What it is for: Thirty seconds of a rough, loud voice with a build, a clear price and an emotional finish. Coach's note: Watch out for starting at full roar and having nowhere to go. Save the biggest sound for 'On a ship!' and pace yourself so your voice lasts. The price line should be steady. The turn is the tender 'I cried a little.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for stamina, a real build and a price line you can understand.
Arrr! Listen close, ye landlubbers!
For three hundred years I kept me life savings in a hole in the sand. No interest. No statements. And crabs. So many crabs.
Then I walked into Harborlight Credit Union. Well. Floated in.
They gave me a free checking account, a savings rate that actually grows, and a lollipop!
They did not even scream. Much.
Harborlight Credit Union. Open an account today with just twenty-five dollars.
Member owned. Federally insured. Arrr.
Direction: Gravelly, thundering ghost pirate giving sound financial advice like a battle speech What it is for: Reading financial copy and a legal-style tag in full character without tripping on it. Coach's note: Watch out for mumbling the tag. 'Member owned. Federally insured.' is two clean beats in the pirate voice, not thrown away. Keep the growl low in the body, not scraped in the throat. The turn is the small 'Well. Floated in.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a trustworthy read hiding inside a ridiculous voice.
[Cackle]
Double, double, toil and... honestly, who has the time?
The Brimble cordless sweeper cleans my whole cottage in ten minutes. Cat hair. Bat hair. Whatever that is.
Brimble. It's also a lovely broom.
Direction: Cackling storybook witch doing a bright daytime-TV testimonial What it is for: Mixing a cartoon character with a straight commercial read, and switching between them cleanly. Coach's note: Watch out for cackling through the product line. Give the cackle its own beat, then land 'Brimble' clean. The turn is 'It's also a lovely broom.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a character with range: scary, then sweet, on a dime.
[Cackle]
Eye of newt, and toe of frog... do you know how long that takes to shop for?
Now I get Ladle and Leaf meal kits. Fresh ingredients. Thirty minute recipes. Right to my door.
Ladle and Leaf. The frog is thrilled.
Direction: Cackling storybook witch who snaps into a sunny, busy-mom testimonial What it is for: Switching from a spell-chanting character to a relatable, everyday complaint in one breath. Coach's note: Watch out for cackling over the first line. Let the cackle finish, then start the chant clean. Place the cackle high and forward so it doesn't scratch. The turn is the cheerful 'The frog is thrilled.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a clean switch from spooky to sweet and a brand you can repeat.
[Cackle]
I have flown by broom for two hundred years. No legroom. No snacks. Bugs in my teeth.
Then I flew Kestrelway Air. A seat! A little bag of pretzels! A window!
Kestrelway Air. I may never broom again.
Direction: Screechy, cackling witch giving a five-star travel review; amazed by very basic comforts What it is for: Building excitement over three small items so each one tops the last. Coach's note: Watch out for giving 'A seat! A little bag of pretzels! A window!' the same pitch three times. Step up on each one. The turn is the dreamy, satisfied 'I may never broom again.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a build of three and a character voice that stays pleasant to hear.
[Cackle]
My roof was made of gingerbread, my dears. Charming. Until it rained. The squirrels were not helping.
So I called Sugarpine Roofing. Real shingles. Done in two days. Free estimate.
Sugarpine Roofing. The gumdrops were my idea.
Direction: Croaky, cackling storybook witch telling a home-improvement story like a proud homeowner What it is for: Telling a tiny before-and-after story in character, with the practical details kept crisp. Coach's note: Watch out for croaking through 'Real shingles. Done in two days. Free estimate.' Ease off the rasp there and let the consonants do the work. The turn is the proud little 'The gumdrops were my idea.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for storytelling, a clear offer and a character who sounds like a real customer.
[Cackle]
I used to meet men the old way. Lure them to my cottage. Turn them into toads.
Then my niece showed me Hearthmatch. Real profiles. Real people. Within ten miles!
Hearthmatch. I haven't made a toad since March.
Direction: Gleeful, cackling witch doing a bright dating-app testimonial with total sincerity What it is for: Delivering dark-sounding lines with a light, sunny attitude so the comedy comes from the contrast. Coach's note: Watch out for making 'Turn them into toads' sound evil. She says it like 'take them to dinner'. Keep the brand name bright and separate. The turn is the proud 'I haven't made a toad since March.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for charm and a testimonial read that sounds real, even from a witch.
[Cackle]
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble!
[Bright, daytime TV]
Hello! I'm Griselda, and I have been cooking in the same iron cauldron since sixteen forty.
It weighs four hundred pounds. Nothing comes off it. Nothing.
Then I found the Emberstone six quart slow cooker. Nonstick. Dishwasher safe. And it has a timer, so I can leave the house and go haunt a forest.
My stew has never been better. My sisters are furious.
[Cackle]
Emberstone. Just thirty-nine ninety-nine. Lid included.
Direction: Full shrieking witch for the opening chant, then a chirpy shopping-channel host who is still obviously a witch What it is for: Holding two versions of one character, the scary one and the sales one, and moving between them on cue. Coach's note: Watch out for losing the witch completely in the testimonial. Keep a little croak under the bright voice. The price must be perfectly clear. Rest between takes if the cackle starts to tickle. The turn is the flat, straight 'Lid included.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for two clear gears, a repeatable cackle and a price you can't miss.
[Cackle]
Oh, don't mind me, dearie. Just a sweet old lady who loves to garden.
For years I grew everything myself. Nightshade. Wolfsbane. A pumpkin patch you would not believe.
But my back isn't what it was in the fourteen hundreds.
So now I go to Fernwhistle Garden Center. Healthy plants. Friendly staff. They carry my bags right to the broom.
This weekend, all fall mums are buy two, get one free.
Fernwhistle Garden Center. Tell them the nice lady with the hat sent you.
Direction: Syrupy, too-sweet old lady voice with a witch's cackle leaking out around the edges What it is for: A quieter character read: playing innocent while the audience knows better. Coach's note: Watch out for tipping into full witch too early. Stay sweet and let only the plant names give her away. Keep the weekend offer plain and easy to follow. The turn is 'They carry my bags right to the broom.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for subtlety: a character suggested with small touches, plus a clean offer.
They called me mad. They said it couldn't be done.
A seventy-five inch television for under five hundred dollars.
It's alive! It's alive!
Voltaire's Electronics. Financing available.
Direction: Unhinged mad scientist, shouting over thunder, losing his mind about a discount What it is for: Top-of-the-range energy with clear information inside it. Coach's note: Watch out for staying at one volume. Build from a whisper to the shout on 'It's alive', then the price has to be heard. The turn is the tiny, calm 'Financing available.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a build. If you start at ten there's nowhere to go.
[Thunder]
Forty years in my laboratory, searching for the secret of endless energy!
And it was across the street the whole time!
Thunderhead Coffee! Large dark roast! Two dollars!
I have not blinked since Tuesday!
Thunderhead Coffee. Decaf also available.
Direction: Wild-eyed mad scientist shouting over thunder, vibrating with caffeine What it is for: Fast, high-energy delivery where every short line still lands as its own beat. Coach's note: Watch out for running the short lines together. 'Large dark roast! Two dollars!' are separate punches. Shout from your support, not your throat. The turn is the tiny, calm 'Decaf also available.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for manic energy under control and a price that cuts through.
[Thunder]
Fools! I wired this entire laboratory myself! Ten thousand volts! No permit!
[A loud zap]
...So now I call Brightwire Electric.
Licensed. Insured. On time.
Brightwire Electric. They said my work was, quote, a miracle I am alive.
Direction: Ranting mad scientist at full volume, then small, singed and humbled after the zap What it is for: A reverse build: start at the top and come down, with the comedy in how far he falls. Coach's note: Watch out for keeping the shout going after the zap. Everything after it is quiet and a little dazed. Take a real pause there. The turn is the sheepish '...So now I call Brightwire Electric.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a sharp contrast and a believable beaten-down second half.
They laughed at me at the university. They said, you need a degree to do that.
They were right!
Stormhaven Community College! Night classes! Online classes! Credits that transfer!
I will show them all! In four to six semesters.
Stormhaven. Enroll today.
Direction: Bitter, brooding mad scientist who explodes into shouting about night classes What it is for: Starting low and muttered, then jumping to full energy, then undercutting yourself. Coach's note: Watch out for shouting from the first word. The opening is a quiet grudge. Explode on 'They were right!' and keep the three class types distinct. The turn is the reasonable 'In four to six semesters.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a low start, a real jump and a dry finish.
[Thunder]
Look at it. They said nothing could grow there. Bare dirt. Dead patches.
One bag of Greenspark Lawn Food, and now...
It grows! It grows! Thick! Green! Unstoppable!
Greenspark. Safe for pets. I mow on Saturdays.
Direction: Hushed, trembling mad scientist building to a triumphant scream about his lawn What it is for: A classic whisper-to-shout build packed into a few seconds. Coach's note: Watch out for peaking too soon. Stay hushed until 'and now', then let it rip. Open your throat on the shout and don't squeeze. The turn is the neighborly 'I mow on Saturdays.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a build with a top and a tag line that sounds like a normal man.
[Thunder]
For years I dreamed of controlling the weather. The clouds! The winds! The very lightning itself!
They said it was impossible. They said, Doctor, come down from the roof.
But tonight... tonight I have done it!
Sixty-eight degrees! In every room! From my phone!
[Maniacal laugh]
The Kelvin Home smart thermostat. It learns your schedule. It lowers your energy bill by up to twenty percent. It installs in fifteen minutes.
I did it in four hours. I am not a real doctor.
Kelvin Home. Ninety-nine dollars.
Direction: Grandiose mad scientist raving on a rooftop in a storm, then reading product benefits with wild pride What it is for: Carrying three real product benefits inside a huge character without dropping the energy or the clarity. Coach's note: Watch out for burning your voice in the first ten seconds. Use pitch and speed for the madness and save true volume for 'I have done it!' The three benefits are slower and clear. The turn is the quiet 'I am not a real doctor.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for pacing across thirty seconds and benefits a listener would remember.
[Thunder]
It would not start. I tried everything. Jumper cables. A kite in a thunderstorm. Shouting.
Nothing! My creation lay cold and silent in the driveway! A two thousand nine minivan!
So I had it towed to Cogsworthy Lane Auto.
New battery. New belts. Oil change. Done by five o'clock.
[The engine turns over]
It starts! It starts! Do you hear me, world? It starts!
Cogsworthy Lane Auto. Honest work. Fair prices. They even vacuumed the seats. I wept.
Direction: Tragic, hollow-voiced mad scientist mourning his minivan, then screaming with joy over thunder What it is for: A full emotional arc in thirty seconds: despair, hope, triumph, gratitude. Coach's note: Watch out for playing despair and triumph at the same volume. Start low and defeated so the shout has room. The repair list is brisk and plain. Don't strain on the repeats of 'It starts!' The turn is the choked-up 'I wept.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for an arc, not just a shout, and a shop name said like he means it.
[A long, ancient groan]
Four... thousand... years... in the same bandages.
Then I tried Wrapwell. Flexible. Breathable. Stays on in the shower.
Honestly? Great stretch.
Wrapwell. Wrap it right.
Direction: Ancient, slow, groaning mummy who turns out to be a very satisfied customer What it is for: A slow, heavy character read that still fits in fifteen seconds. Coach's note: Watch out for dragging so much you run out of time. Be slow on the first line only. The turn is the bright, modern 'Honestly? Great stretch.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for comic contrast between the monster and the normal voice underneath.
[A long, ancient groan]
Who... dares... disturb... my... tomb?
Oh! The movers. Come in, come in.
Stonecart Moving. Right on time. Careful with the sarcophagus. Not one cracked jar.
Stonecart Moving. Free quotes. Lovely guys.
Direction: Ancient, slow, terrifying mummy groan that flips to a friendly host welcoming the movers What it is for: The fastest possible switch from monster to ordinary person, on a single word. Coach's note: Watch out for easing out of the groan. The switch on 'Oh!' should be instant, like a light going on. Keep the groan low and relaxed, not pressed. The turn is 'Oh! The movers. Come in, come in.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a hard, clean switch and a warm natural voice underneath.
[A slow, creaking groan]
Three... thousand... years... lying flat... on stone.
My back was a disaster.
Then I found Straight Path Chiropractic. One adjustment. One. I can turn my head!
Straight Path. New patients, forty-nine dollars. Walk-ins welcome. Shuffle-ins too.
Direction: Creaking, groaning, ancient mummy who loosens up into a delighted, chatty patient What it is for: Letting a character voice change gradually as the character feels better. Coach's note: Watch out for staying slow after the first line. One slow line, then pick up the pace or you will run long. Let real surprise into 'I can turn my head!' The turn is the cheerful 'Shuffle-ins too.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a voice that tells the before-and-after story by itself.
[A long, weary groan]
Cursed... for all eternity... to wear... white.
Do you know what sand does to white?
Whitecap laundry detergent. Lifts out dirt, dust and four thousand years of tomb.
Whitecap. I look brand new. Ish.
Direction: Doom-laden, groaning mummy with a very modern, very fed-up laundry complaint What it is for: Dropping from a heavy curse voice into a casual, conversational question. Coach's note: Watch out for dragging the curse line past three seconds. Be heavy, not long. The product line is a straight detergent read with a smile. The turn is the tiny, honest 'Ish.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for contrast and a one-syllable punchline that lands.
[A deep, echoing groan]
Beware... all who enter... this place...
...the gift shop closes at five.
The Wexley Museum of Natural History. Dinosaurs. Gemstones. And me, in room four.
Kids under twelve are free. Please visit. It gets quiet.
Direction: Deep, echoing mummy delivering a dreadful warning, then a helpful and slightly lonely museum guide What it is for: A scary set-up with a mundane pay-off, ending on a soft, sincere note instead of a joke. Coach's note: Watch out for telegraphing the joke. Play the warning for real, pause, then say the gift shop line flat. Keep the groan easy on your throat. The turn is '...the gift shop closes at five.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a straight face on the warning and real warmth at the end.
[A long, ancient groan]
When... I... departed... I took everything with me.
Gold. Chariots. Four hundred little statues. A boat.
[Normal, chatty]
And you know what? It was a paperwork nightmare. My family argued for three dynasties.
Don't do what I did. Call Osgood and Finch Estate Planning. Wills. Trusts. Plain English. One flat fee.
They'll sit down with you, answer every question, and nobody has to build a pyramid.
Osgood and Finch. The first consultation is free.
[Groan]
Learn... from... my... mistakes.
Direction: Slow, ancient, groaning mummy who becomes a chatty, sensible neighbor giving advice, then groans one last warning What it is for: Bookending a natural, trustworthy read with a character voice at both ends. Coach's note: Watch out for letting the mummy creep into the middle. The advice section is a normal, warm, real-person read. Go back to the full groan only for the last line. The turn is 'And you know what? It was a paperwork nightmare.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a believable conversational read and two clean switches.
[A long, ancient groan]
I... shall... pursue you... to the ends... of the earth.
[Normal, a bit embarrassed]
That was the plan, anyway. Truth is, I topped out at one mile an hour. People just walked away. Briskly.
Then I joined Upswing Fitness. Friendly trainers. Low impact classes. No judgment about the outfit.
Six weeks later? I can jog. I can do stairs. I caught an archaeologist last Tuesday. We had a lovely chat.
Upswing Fitness. Nineteen dollars a month. No contract.
[Groan]
Leg... day.
Direction: Menacing, slow-motion mummy threat that collapses into an embarrassed, upbeat gym member What it is for: A testimonial read with a story arc, framed by a monster voice. Coach's note: Watch out for losing pace in the middle. After the opening threat, the testimonial should move at normal speaking speed. Keep the monthly price clear. The turn is 'That was the plan, anyway.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a likeable real-person voice and a monster that returns on cue for two words.
Hi, I'm Gary, and once a month I get a little... [growl] ...shaggy.
That's why I go to Full Moon Grooming. Wash, trim, nails. They don't ask questions.
[Howl]
Sorry. Book online.
Direction: Mild-mannered man who keeps half-turning into a werewolf mid-sentence What it is for: Switching between a normal voice and a character growl inside a single line. Coach's note: Watch out for making every growl the same. Start with a small one and let them grow. The turn is the full howl, then a calm 'Sorry. Book online.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for vocal control and timing on the switches.
Hi, I'm Gary. I shave every morning. And every... [growl] ...afternoon.
The Barewell Five has five blades and a comfort strip. It keeps up with me. Mostly.
[Howl]
Barewell. I'm going to need a refill.
Direction: Friendly, slightly apologetic everyday guy whose voice keeps dropping into a low wolf growl mid-sentence What it is for: Dropping in and out of a character growl inside one sentence without losing the thought. Coach's note: Watch out for growling from the throat. Keep the growl low and breathy, powered from your belly, so you can do ten takes. The turn is the howl, then the flat, practical 'I'm going to need a refill.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a clean switch: a real, likeable Gary on either side of the growl.
Hi, I'm Gary. I love Maple Run Dog Park. Four fenced acres, fresh water, and a... [growl] ...squirrel.
[Panting]
Sorry. Where was I?
Maple Run Dog Park. Open dawn to dusk.
No, I don't have a dog. Why do you ask?
Direction: Pleasant, chatty neighbor voice that snaps into an excited growl the second he spots a squirrel What it is for: A sudden character interruption, then recovering your place as if nothing happened. Coach's note: Watch out for rushing the recovery. After the growl, take a beat of panting before 'Sorry. Where was I?' The turn is the innocent, slightly defensive 'No, I don't have a dog. Why do you ask?' What casting listens for: Casting listens for comic timing on the interruption and a last line played completely straight.
Hi, I'm Gary. I'm allergic to pet hair. Which is a problem, because once a month... [growl] ...I am the pet.
[Sneeze, then a howl]
Clearbrook Allergy Relief. Twenty-four hours, non-drowsy.
Finally, I can stand myself.
Direction: Stuffed-up, mild-mannered Gary doing a sincere testimonial, with one growl and one sneeze that turns into a howl What it is for: Stacking two vocal effects, a sneeze and a howl, and still landing the product line cleanly. Coach's note: Watch out for blowing out the mic on the sneeze. Turn your head slightly off-axis for the sneeze and the howl, then come back on mic for the brand name. The turn is the relieved 'Finally, I can stand myself.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for effects that sound real and a product name that stays crisp right after them.
Hi, I'm Gary. Every month, I ruin a perfectly good... [growl] ...shirt. [Bigger growl] And the pants.
Stitchwick Alterations fixes anything. Seams, buttons, sleeves. Ready by Friday.
They gave me a punch card.
[Howl]
Sorry. That was the collar.
Direction: Embarrassed, polite regular customer; small growl, bigger growl, then a howl he immediately apologizes for What it is for: Three sizes of the same character sound in fifteen seconds, each one bigger than the last. Coach's note: Watch out for starting too big. Make the first growl tiny so the howl has somewhere to go, and keep 'Seams, buttons, sleeves' clear and normal. The turn is the sheepish 'Sorry. That was the collar.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a build with control, and a Gary you'd happily stand behind in line.
Hi, I'm Gary. My wife and I love Ember and Oak Steakhouse.
The lighting is soft. The booths are quiet. And the service is... [small growl] ...excuse me.
The service is wonderful.
I always order the garden salad. I'm a salad guy. Light dressing, extra... [bigger growl] ...ribeye. Sixteen ounces. Rare. No plate.
[Howl]
I'm so sorry. That keeps happening.
Ember and Oak Steakhouse. Tuesday is date night. Two dinners for forty-nine dollars.
I'll also have the salad.
Direction: Gentle, well-mannered Gary on date night, fighting a growl that gets hungrier every time he mentions the menu What it is for: Holding a warm, natural restaurant read while a character keeps breaking through it. Coach's note: Watch out for playing the wolf the whole way through. Gary is ninety percent of this spot, so keep him soft and sincere and let the growl surprise us. Sip water between takes. The turn is 'ribeye. Sixteen ounces. Rare. No plate.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for two distinct voices in one mouth and an offer line that stays friendly and clear.
Hi, I'm Gary. Something has been digging up the neighborhood. Flower beds. Trash cans. Mrs. Alvarez's garden gnome.
Nobody knows what it is. [Small growl] Nobody.
So I called Tallpost Fence Company. Six-foot cedar, installed in one day, guaranteed for life.
It is a very good fence. I should know. I've been trying to get over it for... [bigger growl] ...three weeks.
[Howl]
Sorry.
Tallpost Fence Company. Free estimates. Tell them Gary sent you.
And tell Mrs. Alvarez I'll replace the gnome.
Direction: Concerned, neighborly Gary telling a story he is clearly at the center of; the growls slip out when he gets nervous What it is for: Storytelling with a secret. Let the listener work it out a beat before Gary admits it. Coach's note: Watch out for giving the joke away early. Play 'Nobody knows what it is' as honest worry, with only a small growl under it. The turn is 'I've been trying to get over it for three weeks.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for an actor who can play innocence and guilt at the same time, with clean switches.
Braaains.
With Shamble, brains are delivered to your door in thirty minutes or less.
Also tacos. Also pad thai. Mostly brains.
Download Shamble today. First delivery free.
Braaains.
Direction: Slow, moaning zombie reading app copy that was clearly written for someone peppier What it is for: A comedy read where the character fights the copy. Coach's note: Watch out for going so slow the tag never arrives. Moan the first word, then keep moving. The turn is 'Thirty minutes or less', said with huge effort. What casting listens for: Casting listens for a clear, funny choice and words that still land.
[Groan]
Are you ready... to feel... alive?
Blitzberry Energy. Zero sugar. Maximum pep. Woo.
I had three. I walked slightly faster.
Blitzberry. Seize the day. Or whenever.
Braaains.
Direction: Slow, flat, moaning zombie dragging himself through the most hyped-up energy drink copy ever written What it is for: Playing against the copy: high-energy words, no energy at all, and every word still clear. Coach's note: Watch out for mumbling the brand. The moan lives on the vowels, so keep the consonants in 'Blitzberry' sharp. The turn is the proud, deadpan 'I had three. I walked slightly faster.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a committed comic choice and a 'Woo' with absolutely nothing behind it.
Braaains.
Sorry. Gains.
At Up and At 'Em Fitness, we never stop moving. Mostly because we can't.
Join today. No sign-up fee. First month free.
Let's... get... after it.
[Groan]
Direction: Groaning, heavy-limbed zombie attempting a pumped-up gym trainer read and correcting himself What it is for: A quick self-correction played for comedy, then steady pacing through an offer. Coach's note: Watch out for stretching every word. Only 'Braaains' and 'Let's get after it' get the long moan; the offer lines should keep moving. The turn is the immediate 'Sorry. Gains.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for timing on the correction and an offer you can still understand.
[Groan]
Hi. I'm a real customer. Not an actor.
Glintmint Whitening Toothpaste gave me a brighter smile in just two weeks.
[A long, groaning smile]
Nine out of ten zombies agree. The tenth one wandered off.
Glintmint.
Direction: Slow, moaning zombie giving a 'real customer' testimonial in a monotone, very pleased with his teeth What it is for: A testimonial read in character, including a sound effect you have to hold: the groaning smile. Coach's note: Watch out for letting the smile groan go on too long. Two seconds is plenty in a fifteen. The turn is 'The tenth one wandered off.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a funny, specific sound and a straight face on the statistics.
Lace up... everybody.
The Pumpkin Mile Fun Run is Saturday, October twenty-fourth. Runners, walkers, and shamblers welcome.
I will be right behind you. The whole time.
It's for charity.
Sign up today.
Braaains.
Direction: Slow, moaning zombie reading a cheerful community event announcement, accidentally menacing What it is for: Making a date and event name clear while staying fully in a slow character voice. Coach's note: Watch out for slurring the date. 'Saturday, October twenty-fourth' has to be understood the first time. The turn is the helpful, reassuring 'It's for charity.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for clear event details and a creepy line rescued by a sweet one.
[Groan]
Hey there, go-getters. Is your... brain... feeling sluggish?
Braaains.
Sorry. Mine too.
Sharpsprout is the fun new app that trains your brain in just five minutes a day. Puzzles. Memory games. Word... searches.
After two weeks, I learned a second word.
Subscribe.
Sharpsprout. Bigger, better, brighter brains. Mmm. Brains.
Download it free today. Your first month of premium is on us.
Braaains. Subscribe. Braaains.
Direction: Moaning zombie reading bubbly app copy, drifting off dreamily every time the word 'brain' comes up What it is for: A running gag across thirty seconds. Each 'Braaains' needs a slightly different color so the joke keeps growing. Coach's note: Watch out for saying 'Braaains' the same way five times. Try hungry, sorry, dreamy, then proud. Keep the moan loose and low so your throat stays relaxed. The turn is his second word: 'Subscribe.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for variety inside a one-note character, and a clear call to action.
[Long groan]
Good... morning.
Some people say I am not a morning person.
[Groan]
Then I found Sunup Coffee. Dark roast. Bold. Ready in... sixty... seconds.
[Sip]
Wow! That is smooth! Sunup Coffee is roasted fresh every week and delivered right to your door, and subscribers save twenty percent!
[Pause]
And... it's gone.
Sunup Coffee. Twelve dollars a bag. Wake up... a little.
Braaains.
Direction: Barely-awake moaning zombie who gets ten seconds of bright, fast, peppy announcer after one sip, then loses it again What it is for: A full gear change: slow character voice, to fast clean announcer, and back again. Coach's note: Watch out for blurring the two voices. The peppy section should be a completely different person: quick, smiling and crisp, all in one breath. The turn is the sip, and the deflated 'And... it's gone.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for two contrasting reads from one actor and total commitment to both.
People ask me my secret. They say, how do you stay so radiant?
It's Dewdrop Daily Moisturizer.
And I don't even have skin.
Dewdrop. For everybody. And every body.
Direction: Glamorous, breezy beauty-ad voice that happens to belong to a skeleton What it is for: A straight luxury read with one absurd fact underneath it. Never let on that it's a joke. Coach's note: Watch out for winking. She is completely sincere. The turn is 'I don't even have skin', which should be the most elegant line in the spot. What casting listens for: Casting listens for a polished beauty read held dead straight.
They stop me on the street. They say, your hair. So full. So alive.
It's Silkaire Volume Shampoo.
And it's a wig. I've had it since eighteen ninety.
Silkaire. Body, from root to tip. Whatever you have.
Direction: Glossy, breathy shampoo-commercial voice; confident, unhurried, and a skeleton in a very good wig What it is for: A smooth luxury read where the absurd detail is delivered as plainly as the product name. Coach's note: Watch out for pausing for the laugh. Say 'And it's a wig' with the same easy pride as everything else. The turn is 'I've had it since eighteen ninety.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a real beauty read: warm, even and never in on the joke.
He said he could see right through me.
He was right.
Hollow. The new fragrance from Maison Verrine.
One touch at the wrist. One at the collarbone. I have excellent collarbones.
Hollow. Nothing to hide.
Direction: Low, intimate, half-whispered perfume-ad voice; mysterious and elegant, with nothing but bones underneath What it is for: The close, quiet fragrance-spot style: almost no volume, and every word placed. Coach's note: Watch out for dropping into a full whisper and losing the tone. Keep a little voice in it, close to the mic, so 'Maison Verrine' is clear. The turn is the modest 'I have excellent collarbones.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for stillness and control, and a brand name that sounds expensive.
People tell me I have wonderful bone structure.
I say, thank you. It's all I have.
Meadowlight whole milk. Rich in calcium. Fresh from the farm.
Two hundred and six reasons to pour a glass.
Meadowlight Dairy. Good to the bone.
Direction: Gracious, sunny lifestyle-ad voice accepting a compliment; elegant and entirely sincere What it is for: Keeping a breezy, smiling read while saying something literal that the listener hears as a joke. Coach's note: Watch out for leaning on 'It's all I have.' Throw it away lightly, like a woman who has said it at many parties. The turn is 'Two hundred and six reasons to pour a glass.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for charm and ease, with the comedy left entirely to the words.
Darling, everything fits me.
The new fall collection at Linden and Lace. Cashmere. Silk. Tailored wool.
It all hangs beautifully. I am, essentially, a hanger.
Linden and Lace. Fall arrivals, in store now.
Direction: Chic, airy fashion-boutique voice; a little bit 'darling', perfectly poised, perfectly bony What it is for: A stylish fashion read with a list, where each item gets its own texture. Coach's note: Watch out for racing the list. Give 'Cashmere. Silk. Tailored wool.' three different feels. The turn is the matter-of-fact 'I am, essentially, a hanger.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for sophistication that never tips into parody.
I used to carry so much tension. In my shoulders. My spine. My jaw, which occasionally falls off.
Then I discovered Serenelle Day Spa.
The hot stone massage. Ninety minutes of pure calm. My therapist could not find a single knot. Or a muscle.
The hydrating facial. Glorious. It took four minutes.
I walked out feeling twenty pounds lighter. I weigh twenty-one.
Serenelle Day Spa. Book the Full Day Escape this month and bring a friend for half price.
You deserve to feel like nothing at all.
Direction: Soft, soothing, spa-commercial voice floating on a cloud; blissfully relaxed and missing all her soft tissue What it is for: Sustaining a calm, slow luxury tone for thirty seconds while landing four separate jokes without pushing any of them. Coach's note: Watch out for getting sleepy. Relaxed is not the same as low energy, so keep a smile in the sound and the ends of lines lifted. The turn is 'I weigh twenty-one.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a spa read you'd really book from, with the jokes hidden in plain sight.
Posture is everything. Mine, as you can see, is flawless.
But even I have off days. A vertebra here. A rib there. Last Tuesday, my entire left arm.
That's why I see Doctor Lin at Alder Lane Chiropractic.
One visit. One gentle adjustment. And everything simply clicks back into place.
Literally. You can hear it from the waiting room.
Alder Lane Chiropractic. New patients, your first consultation is free.
Stand tall. Keep it together. I do.
Direction: Poised, polished wellness-ad voice with perfect posture you can hear; calm about the occasional missing arm What it is for: A confident testimonial read with a casual list that escalates, kept perfectly level. Coach's note: Watch out for lifting your voice on 'my entire left arm.' It should sound like a small scheduling problem. The turn is 'Literally. You can hear it from the waiting room.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for authority and warmth, and an offer line delivered with real care.
Welcome... to Burger Crypt.
I have haunted this drive-thru for a hundred years, and tonight, the Midnight Double is two for five dollars.
Do you want fries with that?
Burger Crypt. Pull forward... if you dare.
Direction: Grand, echoing, operatic phantom taking your order through a crackly speaker What it is for: Theatrical delivery with crisp diction, played against a mundane situation. Coach's note: Watch out for singing it. Speak it with opera-house grandeur. The turn is the flat, everyday 'Do you want fries with that?' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a rich voice with a sense of humor about itself.
Descend! Descend with me... into the darkness below!
Level B Two. It's where the open spaces are.
Grand Street Parking. Six dollars, all evening. We validate.
Remember where you parked. I shall not remind you.
Direction: Huge, echoing, theatrical phantom voice booming through a concrete parking garage What it is for: Big stage-sized delivery from line one, then shrinking it to a plain information read. Coach's note: Watch out for shouting 'Descend'. Make it large with breath and open vowels, not volume, and you'll save your voice. The turn is the helpful 'It's where the open spaces are.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for grandeur with crisp diction, and a price anyone could repeat.
Behold! You have summoned... the self-checkout!
Scan your first item. Place it... in the bagging area.
Unexpected item in the bagging area! Who dares?
Oh. It's your purse. Carry on.
Harrowgate Foods. Thank you for shopping with us.
Direction: Thundering, operatic phantom who is also the voice of a grocery self-checkout machine What it is for: Outrage and instant de-escalation: a huge peak followed by a small, embarrassed recovery. Coach's note: Watch out for peaking the mic on 'Who dares?' Step back half a pace for it, then come back in close for the quiet line. The turn is 'Oh. It's your purse. Carry on.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for dynamic range and good mic sense in a very short spot.
Silence!
For three hundred nights I have dwelt in the shadows of this theater. Waiting. Watching.
And I have one request.
Please turn off your phone.
Velvet Row Cinemas. Large popcorn refills are free. Enjoy the show.
Direction: Dark, velvety, grand phantom lurking in a movie theater, building enormous suspense about a small request What it is for: Building tension over several short lines, then releasing it with a simple, polite ask. Coach's note: Watch out for staying loud after 'Silence!' Drop to a hushed, intense tone for 'Waiting. Watching.' so the build has shape. The turn is the courteous 'Please turn off your phone.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a build and a release, with a voice that fills the room without strain.
At last! After long nights of torment... of waiting... of wondering!
Your shirts are ready.
Presswell Cleaners. Same-day service. In by nine, out by five.
I pressed the cape myself. No charge.
Presswell. Have your ticket ready.
Direction: Tormented, soaring, operatic phantom working the counter at a dry cleaner What it is for: Playing high drama on the setup and plain customer service on the payoff, in the same rich voice. Coach's note: Watch out for dropping the character on the mundane lines. He stays grand; only the subject gets small. The turn is 'Your shirts are ready.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a character that holds through the joke and hours you can actually catch.
Greetings, traveler. I am the voice... inside your dashboard.
Tonight, we journey together, through shadow and through mist, to a place few have dared to go.
The dentist. On Maple Avenue.
In four hundred feet... turn left.
Turn left! Turn left, I beg of you!
Recalculating.
It is fine. I am not angry.
Roamwell Navigation. Live traffic. Seven dramatic voices to choose from.
You have arrived. It is on your right. It was always on your right.
Direction: Grand, echoing phantom as a car navigation voice; majestic, wounded when ignored, and trying very hard to stay calm What it is for: An emotional arc inside a character: mystery, panic, hurt feelings, then a professional tag. Coach's note: Watch out for yelling 'Turn left' three times at the same level. Make it a climb: firm, urgent, then pleading. Rest your voice between takes. The turn is the tight, wounded 'Recalculating.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for acting inside the big voice: we should hear exactly how he feels about that missed turn.
You hear it, do you not? In the night. A moaning in the walls. A rattle beneath the floor. A cold breath upon your neck.
You think it is I.
It is not I. I checked. It is your furnace.
Call Hearthline Heating and Air. A full furnace inspection, just eighty-nine dollars.
They are prompt. They are tidy. They wear little covers on their shoes.
Hearthline Heating and Air. Then your house shall be silent.
Except for me. I live in the attic.
Direction: Hushed, resonant, spine-tingling phantom confiding in the listener, then recommending a furnace company with real enthusiasm What it is for: A slow, eerie open that hands off to clear service details, without losing the character. Coach's note: Watch out for racing the opening. Let each image land: the walls, the floor, the neck. Then pick up the pace for the offer so you finish on time. The turn is 'It is not I. I checked. It is your furnace.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for atmosphere in the first ten seconds and a clear price in the next ten.
I have worked every single day since the dawn of time.
This November, I am going to the beach.
Hammock House Rentals. Three nights, ocean view, no checkout until noon.
I'm bringing a book.
Direction: Deep, hollow, doom-laden Grim Reaper who is extremely excited about his vacation What it is for: Keeping a dark character voice while playing pure joy. Coach's note: Watch out for brightening the voice to show he's happy. Keep the voice of doom and let the words carry the joy. The turn is 'I'm bringing a book.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for the joke staying in the contrast between the sound and the meaning.
I have carried this scythe for ten thousand years. No lunch break. Not one.
Today, I discovered sprinkles.
Dolly's Scoop Shop. Twenty-four flavors, made fresh daily.
Two scoops. Waffle cone. Rainbow sprinkles.
I am taking the full hour.
Direction: Deep, hollow, slow voice of doom, quietly overjoyed about ice cream on his first-ever lunch break What it is for: Playing delight without changing a dark, low character voice. Coach's note: Watch out for smiling so much the voice lifts. Stay low and hollow and let 'sprinkles' do the work. Find the lowest pitch that is still comfortable, not the lowest you can force. The turn is 'Today, I discovered sprinkles.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a voice of doom that stays put while the joy leaks through the words.
For ages, I have cut my lawn with this scythe. It takes all weekend.
Then I bought the Tidyturf Forty electric mower. Quiet. Cordless.
It has a cup holder.
My lawn has stripes now. A neighbor waved at me.
Tidyturf.
Direction: Cavernous, solemn voice of doom giving a heartfelt product review of his new lawn mower What it is for: A slow, weighty voice reading quick product features, each one clear. Coach's note: Watch out for letting the low pitch turn the features to mud. Separate 'Quiet. Cordless.' with clean stops. The turn is the awed 'It has a cup holder.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for depth with clarity and a punchline delivered with total reverence.
Mortals. Hear me.
Thursday is league night at Pinewood Lanes.
Shoe rental, two dollars. Nachos, bottomless.
My team is called the Grim Sweepers. We are in fourth place. I have never been happier.
Pinewood Lanes.
Direction: Booming, ominous herald of doom making a proclamation about bowling league night What it is for: An announcement read in a heavy character voice, with prices and a day of the week that must be heard. Coach's note: Watch out for booming every line. Open big on 'Mortals. Hear me.' then settle, so 'Thursday' and 'two dollars' are easy to catch. The turn is 'We are in fourth place. I have never been happier.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a commanding open and a surprisingly tender finish in the same voice.
I have worn the same black robe for all of eternity. It is wool. It itches.
Behold. The Snugwick fleece robe.
Soft. Machine washable. And it has pockets.
Pockets.
Snugwick. Also available in lavender. I bought both.
Direction: Deep, hollow, weary voice of doom discovering a soft fleece robe after an eternity in itchy wool What it is for: Getting two different laughs from one repeated word by changing only the intention. Coach's note: Watch out for saying 'pockets' the same way twice. The first is information, the second is wonder, almost a whisper. The turn is that second 'Pockets.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a tiny, precise change that tells the whole joke.
Hello. It is I.
I have the weekend off. My first one. Ever.
So I went to the Fall Festival at Harlow Family Farm.
There is a corn maze. I was lost for two hours. It was wonderful. Nobody could reach me.
There is a hayride. I rode it four times.
There are warm apple cider donuts, six for five dollars. I ate twelve.
Harlow Family Farm. Open every weekend in October, ten until six.
I picked my own pumpkin. I have named him Kevin.
Direction: Deep, doom-laden, echoing voice describing the best weekend of his very long career, with the wonder of a kid What it is for: Holding a dark voice for a full thirty while each new detail gets a little more joyful underneath. Coach's note: Watch out for running out of low breath. Breathe at every paragraph and keep the pitch where it is comfortable. Don't rush the short confessions; each one is its own small joke. The turn is 'It was wonderful. Nobody could reach me.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for consistency: the same voice in the last line as the first, and a date and hours we can catch.
For ten thousand years, it was only the job. Clipboard. Scythe. Overtime.
Then I walked into Woolgather Yarn Shop.
Beginner knitting. Tuesday nights, six weeks, forty dollars. Yarn and needles included.
I have made a scarf. It is nine feet long. I could not stop.
I have made a small hat for my scythe.
The ladies in my class call me Tim. I have not corrected them.
Woolgather Yarn Shop. Your first class is free.
Next week, we learn mittens. I can hardly wait.
Direction: Slow, hollow, sepulchral voice of an overworked reaper who has finally found a hobby and is gently thrilled What it is for: Warmth inside a cold voice. A character who is touched, not just funny. Coach's note: Watch out for playing it for gags. He means every word, and the shy pride is what sells it. Keep the voice low and easy, never pressed. The turn is 'The ladies in my class call me Tim. I have not corrected them.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for heart: a monster voice that makes you want to sign up for the class.
Greetings, guys and ghouls!
Tonight's tale of terror is about a mattress so comfortable, customers are just dying to get in.
[Cackle]
Deadrest Mattress. Sleep like the dead. Heh heh heh. Wake up refreshed.
Direction: Shrieking, cackling horror-show host who adores his own terrible puns; high, raspy, gleeful What it is for: A classic cackling horror-host voice. Practise a high rasp, a laugh you can repeat, and puns landed with total joy. Coach's note: Watch out for rasping from the throat. Place the voice high and forward so you can do ten takes. Each pun gets a tiny pause before it. The turn is the cackle after 'dying to get in'. What casting listens for: Casting listens for a laugh with character and puns that are clear enough to groan at.
Greetings, guys and ghouls!
Tonight's tale of terror takes place in a dentist's chair. Relax! At Grinwell Family Dental, we really know the drill.
[Cackle]
Grinwell Family Dental. Gentle cleanings. New patients welcome. Appointments available at... tooth-hurty! Heh heh heh.
Direction: High, raspy, shrieking horror-show host; gleeful and bouncy, delighted with every pun he makes What it is for: Landing two puns cleanly inside a high, raspy character voice without losing the business name. Coach's note: Watch out for rushing past the puns. Place the rasp high and forward, never in the throat, and take a tiny pause before 'know the drill' and before 'tooth-hurty'. The turn is the gleeful 'tooth-hurty!' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a pun you can hear coming, and a laugh that sounds like it belongs to one specific creature.
Welcome back, fright fans!
Tonight's horror story: paying too much for a used car.
At Gravelgate Motors, every price has been slashed. With a pen! Just a pen!
[Cackle]
Gravelgate Motors. Low miles. Low payments. You'll be coffin up a lot less. Heh heh heh.
Direction: Shrieking, cackling late-night horror host doing a loud used-car ad; high rasp, huge glee What it is for: Keeping a high-energy character going at car-lot pace while the offer stays clear. Coach's note: Watch out for shouting the whole thing at one level. Keep the rasp forward in the mask, and drop almost to a stage whisper on 'With a pen!' The turn is 'coffin up a lot less', so lean on 'coffin'. What casting listens for: Casting listens for energy with shape: a shriek, a hush, and a pun that lands.
Greetings, guys and ghouls!
Tonight's chilling tale: leg day.
At Bonehouse Fitness, our trainers will work you to the bone!
[Cackle]
Bonehouse Fitness. First month free. Bring a friend. Bring any body! Heh heh heh.
Direction: High, raspy, cackling horror host who finds leg day the scariest story he has ever told What it is for: A short, punchy character read with a repeatable cackle and a last-second pun. Coach's note: Watch out for throwing away the set-up. 'Leg day' needs real dread or the joke is gone. Keep the rasp light and forward so it survives ten takes. The turn is 'Bring any body!', with a clear gap between 'any' and 'body'. What casting listens for: Casting listens for comic timing: the dread on 'leg day' and the split in 'any body'.
Good evening, my little nightmares!
Tonight's feature: a creature with eight slices, bubbling cheese, and a crust that goes crunch in the night!
It's the large pepperoni from Cinder Street Pizza. Nine ninety-nine.
Extra cheesy. Just like your host! Heh heh heh.
Direction: Cackling horror host building a monster reveal, high and raspy, then thrilled it is only a pizza What it is for: Building suspense in a character voice, then paying it off with a plain product line. Coach's note: Watch out for giving away the pizza too early. Describe the creature as if it is truly dreadful. Rasp from the front of the mouth, not the throat. The turn is 'Extra cheesy. Just like your host!' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a build, a clean price, and a character who is in on his own joke.
Hello again, scream fans!
Tonight's tale is a real nail-biter. A leaky faucet. A squeaky door. A shelf that has hung crooked since nineteen ninety-four!
[Shriek of delight]
Fear not! Grimshaw's Hardware has every tool you need, and staff who actually know where things are. Terrifying!
[Cackle]
This weekend, all hand tools are twenty percent off. Hammers. Wrenches. Pliers. It's riveting!
Grimshaw's Hardware. On Mill Road, next to the bank. Come in today. You'd have to have a screw loose to miss it. Heh heh heh.
Direction: Shrieking, pun-loving horror host telling a tale of household horrors; high rasp, big swoops, endless delight What it is for: Sustaining a high, raspy character for thirty seconds with three puns and real sale information. Coach's note: Watch out for running out of voice by the tag. Keep the rasp high and forward, breathe at every paragraph, and save the biggest cackle for the middle. The turn is 'Terrifying!', said about nothing scarier than helpful staff. What casting listens for: Casting listens for stamina and variety: thirty seconds of character where no two lines sound the same.
Greetings, guys and ghouls!
Tonight's tale is the most horrifying of all. It has forms. It has receipts. It has a deadline!
[Shriek]
Yes, it's tax season!
[Cackle]
But don't lose your head. The friendly preparers at Ledgerstone Tax Service find every deduction, check every number, and file it all for one flat fee.
They say nothing is certain but death and taxes. Lucky you. Your host from the vault does both!
[Cackle]
Ledgerstone Tax Service. Book before April fifteenth. And many happy returns! Heh heh heh.
Direction: Cackling, raspy horror host presenting the scariest story of the year: tax season. Gleeful, theatrical, proud of every pun What it is for: Pacing a longer character read: a slow spooky build, a clear service pitch in the middle, and puns saved for the end. Coach's note: Watch out for cackling over the sales lines. The middle paragraph is straight information, so keep the character but clear the rasp a little. Voice forward, never squeezed. The turn is 'Your host from the vault does both!' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a host who can scare, sell and joke in one read without dropping the voice.
[Whispered, close]
I have wandered these aisles for sixty years.
I know where everything is.
Canned pumpkin is in aisle six. It's on sale.
Hollow Pine Market. Paper... or plastic?
Direction: Barely-there ghost whisper, right on the mic, eerie and very helpful What it is for: A close, whispered scary voice that stays intelligible. Great mic technique practice. Coach's note: Watch out for losing consonants in the whisper. Keep the air soft and the T's and K's crisp. The turn is 'Paper or plastic?' What casting listens for: Casting listens for control up close: breathy, creepy and clean.
[Whispered, close]
I have not spoken above a whisper in two hundred years.
Do not be like me.
Linden Honey Drops. Honey and lemon. Soothes a sore throat in minutes.
[Full, bright, normal voice]
Oh! That's much better.
Linden Honey Drops. At your local pharmacy.
Direction: Barely-there ghost whisper, close on the mic, then one burst of a bright, full, perfectly normal voice What it is for: Switching from a close whisper to full voice in one beat without blowing out the mic. Coach's note: Watch out for whispering so airily the words vanish. Keep consonants crisp and the air gentle, then turn slightly off the mic for the full voice. The turn is the bright, healthy 'Oh! That's much better.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for mic control: an eerie whisper and a clean full voice at matching levels.
[Whispered, close]
Welcome to the Larkspur Inn.
I have been a guest here since eighteen ninety-two.
I never checked out. The beds are that comfortable.
Free breakfast until ten. Late checkout on request.
Larkspur Inn. Stay... forever. Or two nights. Your choice.
Direction: Soft, eerie whisper right on the mic; a ghost who is also an excellent front-desk host What it is for: Holding a whisper steady while delivering hotel details an audience could repeat. Coach's note: Watch out for letting the whisper fade at the ends of lines. Finish every word, especially the T in 'out' and the D in 'beds'. The turn is 'The beds are that comfortable', said as a warm recommendation. What casting listens for: Casting listens for a whisper that is creepy and welcoming at once, with every detail clear.
[Whispered, very close]
Can you hear me?
I am standing right behind you.
No? Good.
Then your Hushfield headphones are working.
Noise cancelling. Forty hour battery. Total silence. Even from me.
Hushfield headphones. I'll just... wait.
Direction: A whisper so close it feels like it is inside the listener's ear; eerie, patient, quietly pleased What it is for: Extreme close-mic whispering with pauses that feel like someone is listening for an answer. Coach's note: Watch out for popping the mic on 'Can' and 'Good'. Angle slightly across the mic and keep the whisper dry and crisp. Leave real silence after each question. The turn is the satisfied 'No? Good.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for clean close-mic technique and the nerve to leave silence in a fifteen-second spot.
[Whispered, close]
I know your secret.
You borrowed a cookbook in March.
You never brought it back.
Good news. Quillbrook Public Library has ended all late fees.
Bring it home. No questions asked.
Quillbrook Public Library. Shhh.
Direction: Chilling, accusing whisper that turns out to be a very kind librarian ghost What it is for: Starting a whisper as a threat and turning it into good news without changing volume. Coach's note: Watch out for hissing the S sounds. 'Secret', 'cookbook' and 'questions' need soft air and sharp consonants, not a long hiss. The turn is 'Good news', where the menace melts into helpfulness. What casting listens for: Casting listens for a change of intention you can hear inside a whisper.
[Whispered, close]
Welcome to the open house.
Four bedrooms. Two and a half baths. Original hardwood floors. They creak. That is not me. That is the floors.
The kitchen was updated in twenty nineteen. Quartz counters. Soft-close drawers. I have tested them. All night.
Great schools. Quiet street. Very quiet.
And the current resident is willing to stay on. At no extra cost.
Thornapple Realty. Open house this Sunday, one to four.
I'll leave a light on. And then off. And then on.
Direction: Close, breathy ghost whisper giving a proud, professional open-house tour of the home she haunts What it is for: Sustaining a whisper for thirty seconds while keeping a list of features clear and varied. Coach's note: Watch out for running out of breath on the lists. Whispering uses more air than speaking, so breathe at every line break and keep the T's and K's crisp. The turn is 'That is not me. That is the floors.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for breath control, clean detail, and a ghost who honestly wants you to buy the house.
[Whispered, close]
I have been trying to reach you for forty years.
From the attic. From the cellar. From the far end of the garden.
Nothing. One bar. Sometimes none.
Then your family switched to Greywether Mobile.
Now there is coverage in every room. Even the cold one.
Unlimited talk. Unlimited text. Thirty dollars a month. No contract.
So tonight, at last, I can deliver my message.
[A long, eerie breath]
You left the garage door open.
Greywether Mobile. No dead zones.
Direction: Faint, mournful whisper on the mic, a spirit who has waited forty years for a decent signal What it is for: A long whispered build to a tiny, ordinary pay-off, with plan details kept clear on the way. Coach's note: Watch out for making the message sound scary when it arrives. It is a helpful household reminder. Keep the whisper supported and the consonants crisp so the price is heard. The turn is 'You left the garage door open.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a slow build held entirely in a whisper, and a punchline delivered dead straight.
Thank you for calling Underworld Cable.
Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is... eternity.
To upgrade to faster internet, press one.
Underworld Cable. Have a great day.
Direction: The deepest, most infernal demon voice you have, reading a polite call-center script What it is for: A low monster voice with slow, clear diction. Coach's note: Watch out for growling so low the words turn to mud. Find the lowest pitch where you can still be understood. The turn is the cheerful 'Have a great day.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for depth with clarity, and for the comedy of good manners.
Thank you for calling Pemberly Tech Support.
My name is...
[A long, low, unpronounceable growl]
You may call me Kevin.
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Wonderful.
Pemberly Tech Support. We're happy to help.
Direction: The deepest, most rumbling infernal voice you own, reading a friendly help-desk script with perfect manners What it is for: A rock-bottom monster voice with clean diction, plus one creature sound that does not hurt. Coach's note: Watch out for scraping the throat on the growl. Make it low and loose, from the chest, and keep it short. Find the lowest pitch where the words stay clear, not muddy. The turn is the mild 'You may call me Kevin.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for real depth, clear words, and the comedy of an ordinary name.
Welcome to Dapplefield Foods self-checkout.
Please scan your first item.
Unexpected item in the bagging area.
Remove the item. Remove it.
Thank you.
Would you like a bag for ten cents?
Dapplefield Foods. Don't forget your receipt.
Direction: A vast, infernal bass voice as the self-checkout machine: slow, even, and unfailingly polite What it is for: Machine-like evenness in a very low voice, with one flash of menace and an instant return to courtesy. Coach's note: Watch out for letting the low pitch blur 'bagging area'. Open your mouth more than feels natural and keep the tongue-tip consonants sharp. The turn is the gentle 'Thank you. Would you like a bag for ten cents?' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a low voice that stays understandable and switches from threat to service on a dime.
Welcome to Stillpond.
Find a comfortable seat. Close your eyes.
Breathe in. And breathe out.
Let your worries drift away. You are safe.
You are doing so well.
Stillpond. Try seven days free.
Direction: A bottomless demonic rumble guiding a gentle relaxation session; slow, soft, and sincerely kind What it is for: Playing warmth and calm through a monster voice, at a quiet level. Coach's note: Watch out for pushing for depth when the volume drops. A quiet low voice turns to mud quickly, so stay relaxed, stay close to the mic and keep the vowels open. The turn is the tender 'You are doing so well.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a frightening sound carrying a kind intention, with no wink at all.
This is a friendly reminder from Waggle Lane Puppy Daycare.
Biscuit had a wonderful day.
He made three new friends.
He was a very good boy.
Pick-up is at five thirty.
Waggle Lane Puppy Daycare. We love him so much.
Direction: The lowest, most fearsome voice imaginable leaving a proud, loving voicemail about a puppy What it is for: Carrying affection and pride in a deep monster voice without lifting the pitch. Coach's note: Watch out for going up in pitch to sound sweet. Keep it in the basement and let the pace and the smile do the work, with clear, unmuddied words. The turn is 'He was a very good boy.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for the contrast held all the way through: a terrifying voice, completely smitten.
Thank you for calling Fairhaven Credit Union. Our menu options have changed.
For account balances, press one.
To report a lost card, press two.
To speak with a representative, press zero. And wait.
Did you know you can skip the line by banking online? It is secure, and available twenty-four hours a day.
I am also available twenty-four hours a day. I do not sleep.
Your call may be recorded for quality and training purposes.
Fairhaven Credit Union. We appreciate your patience. All of it.
Direction: Deep, infernal, earth-shaking voice reading a bank's phone menu with flawless call-center courtesy What it is for: Thirty seconds of a very low voice with phone-menu clarity, and small asides dropped in without changing the manners. Coach's note: Watch out for fading into a rumble as you tire. Reset your breath at each menu option, keep the numbers crisp, and stay at a pitch you can hold without strain. The turn is 'I do not sleep', offered as a helpful service feature. What casting listens for: Casting listens for a low voice that stays clear for the full thirty seconds, and asides that are underplayed.
Good afternoon, passengers. This is the boarding announcement for Wrenfield Air flight two twelve to Orlando.
We will begin with families traveling with small children. Take your time. There is no rush.
Please have your boarding pass ready.
A reminder: one carry-on bag, and one personal item. I will know.
Complimentary snacks will be served. Today's choice is pretzels, or the little cookies. I recommend the cookies.
Thank you for flying Wrenfield Air. We are delighted to have you. Truly.
Direction: A cavernous, ancient, rumbling voice making a warm and considerate airport boarding announcement What it is for: A long, low announcement read where the friendliness has to come through the words, not the pitch. Coach's note: Watch out for flattening everything into one drone. Even at the bottom of your range, lift the key words: the flight number, 'one carry-on bag', 'cookies'. Keep it loose, not pressed. The turn is 'I recommend the cookies.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for announcer clarity in a creature voice, and genuine hospitality.
I see... I see a great change coming into your life.
I see... a sofa.
A sectional. Gray. Forty percent off.
The spirits are very clear about this.
Crestwood Furniture. This weekend only.
Direction: Ancient, quavering, mysterious fortune teller peering into a crystal ball What it is for: An old character voice with a slow build and a sharp comic drop. Coach's note: Watch out for wobbling every word. Save the big quaver for 'I see'. The turn is the brisk, businesslike 'This weekend only.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for an aged character that sounds like a person, with a clean switch at the end.
I see... I see...
Actually, I see nothing. It is all very blurry.
Madame Zelda needs new glasses.
Fortunately, I foresee two pairs for ninety-nine dollars at Clearbrook Eyewear.
Ah! There you are. You look tired.
Clearbrook Eyewear.
Direction: Ancient, quavering, mysterious Madame Zelda whose vision fails her, in the ordinary sense What it is for: Breaking an old character's grand manner with a small, irritated, human moment. Coach's note: Watch out for wobbling every word until the offer is lost. Quaver on 'I see', then steady the voice for 'two pairs for ninety-nine dollars'. The turn is the flat, annoyed 'Actually, I see nothing.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for an aged voice that sounds like a real woman, and a clean comic gear change.
I see a tall, dark stranger.
Very dark. Covered in mud.
Wait. That is your car.
The spirits say, Tidewell Car Wash. Wash and wax, nine dollars, every Tuesday.
I also see a bird. Park somewhere else.
Direction: Quavering, breathy, ancient fortune teller delivering a grand prophecy about a very dirty car What it is for: Setting up a familiar line in a character voice and turning it sharply. Coach's note: Watch out for telegraphing the joke. Play 'tall, dark stranger' as a true romantic prophecy. Keep the old-age quaver in the breath, not a squeezed throat. The turn is 'Wait. That is your car.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for full commitment to the mystery right up to the turn.
I see water.
A great deal of water. It is rising. In your basement.
This is not a vision. I can see it through your window.
Call Dripstone Plumbing. Open twenty-four hours.
Madame Zelda foresees a very dry weekend.
Direction: Ancient, trembling, ominous Madame Zelda whose dark vision is simply what she can see from the street What it is for: A slow ominous build in an aged voice, then a quick, practical drop. Coach's note: Watch out for staying slow after the turn. The vision is slow and shaky; from 'This is not a vision' on, she is a brisk neighbor. Keep the age in the voice without grinding it. The turn is 'I can see it through your window.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for two clear speeds, and an old character who is sharp, not frail.
I see a long journey ahead.
But not on those tires.
Madame Zelda has seen the tread.
Go to Rollaway Tire Center. Buy three, get the fourth free. Even the spirits are surprised.
Rollaway Tire Center. Hurry. I see rain.
Direction: Quavering, all-knowing, ancient fortune teller who has had a hard look at your car What it is for: Dry, deadpan comedy inside an old character voice, with a clear retail offer. Coach's note: Watch out for overplaying the insult. She states it as plain fact. Let the quaver sit on 'long journey', then deliver 'Buy three, get the fourth free' cleanly. The turn is 'But not on those tires.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for deadpan timing and an offer anyone could repeat back.
I see... green. A great deal of green.
I see you on your knees. In the dirt. And you are... happy?
Yes. It is a garden.
I see tomatoes. I see basil. I see one zucchini plant, and then, so many zucchini. More than any family could want. The neighbors stop answering the door.
The spirits say all vegetable plants are three for ten dollars at Mossgate Garden Center. This Saturday and Sunday.
Mossgate Garden Center. Go. But heed my warning.
One zucchini plant. Only one.
Direction: Ancient, quavering Madame Zelda reading a future full of vegetables, rising to a genuine, solemn warning What it is for: Shaping a thirty-second character read: a mysterious opening, a growing vision, a sale, and a grave final warning. Coach's note: Watch out for playing the whole vision at one level of spookiness. Let it grow from puzzled to alarmed as the zucchini multiply, and rest the quaver on the sale line so it is clear. The turn is the deadly serious 'One zucchini plant. Only one.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a story with a shape, told by a character who believes every word.
Silence. The spirits are speaking.
I see a tall white figure. Cold. So very cold. It hums in the night.
It is... a refrigerator.
Stainless steel. French doors. An ice maker that actually works.
The spirits say it is three hundred dollars off at Pendlebury Appliance. They are shouting it. They are being quite rude, actually.
I also see a washer and dryer. But you did not ask about those.
Pendlebury Appliance. Sale ends Monday.
That will be twenty dollars for the reading.
Direction: Ancient, quavering, theatrical Madame Zelda, slightly fed up with how pushy the spirits are being about a refrigerator What it is for: Layering a second attitude, mild irritation, on top of an old mysterious character voice. Coach's note: Watch out for dropping the character when she gets annoyed. The irritation is still Zelda, still old, still grand. Ease off the wobble for the product details. The turn is the brisk 'That will be twenty dollars for the reading.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a character with moods, and a businesslike button at the end.
Good evening.
The mess in the drawing room has been... taken care of.
Graves and Polish home cleaning. We are thorough. We are discreet.
No one will ever know you had guests.
Direction: Silky, slow, sinister butler; every word sounds like a threat, and he is only talking about floors What it is for: Menace through stillness. A scary voice that never raises its volume. Coach's note: Watch out for playing evil. He is simply thorough. Let the pauses do the work. The turn is 'No one will ever know you had guests.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for restraint. The quieter and calmer, the creepier.
Good evening.
Your shirts have been... dealt with.
The grass stain. The gravy. The ink. Gone. Without a trace.
Whitlow laundry detergent. Fresh linen scent.
You will never see those stains again. I have made certain of it.
Direction: Silky, slow, low-volume butler; every word sounds like a confession, and it is all about laundry What it is for: Menace through stillness and pauses, at conversational volume. Coach's note: Watch out for playing the villain. He is a proud professional reporting on stains. Keep it soft and close, with clean final consonants on 'trace' and 'certain'. The turn is 'I have made certain of it.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for restraint, and for pauses that do more than the words.
I regret to inform you that you have visitors.
In the pantry. Small ones. With tails.
Do not trouble yourself. I have telephoned Marlow Pest Control.
Humane. Efficient. Guaranteed.
They will be shown the door. Quietly.
Direction: Velvet-smooth, unhurried, quietly threatening butler announcing mice as if they were unwelcome dinner guests What it is for: Stretching short phrases with pauses while keeping a fifteen-second spot on time. Coach's note: Watch out for pausing so long you run over. Choose two big pauses, after 'visitors' and before 'Quietly', and keep the rest moving. Stay smooth, never growly. The turn is 'They will be shown the door. Quietly.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a silky tone, exact timing and a clear business name.
Dinner... is served.
Everything was picked this morning. By hand. My hand.
Larder and Vine delivers fresh ingredients to your door every week. Three dinners. Forty dollars.
You will clean your plate. I shall be watching.
Larder and Vine.
Direction: Slow, silky, chillingly attentive butler presenting a perfectly nice home-cooked dinner What it is for: Making harmless food copy sound ominous through pace and emphasis alone. Coach's note: Watch out for adding an evil laugh or a growl. The threat is all in the calm. Keep the tone smooth and the words 'three dinners, forty dollars' easy to catch. The turn is 'By hand. My hand.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for subtext: a pleasant sentence that makes the listener uneasy.
The hedges have been cut down to size.
The weeds will not be coming back.
Stillmeadow Lawn Care. Mowing, edging and weeding, from thirty dollars a visit.
I have also buried something in the garden.
Tulips. They come up in spring.
Direction: Soft, slow, sinister butler reporting on the gardening with the calm of a man with nothing to hide What it is for: Holding a threatening tone right through a completely innocent punchline. Coach's note: Watch out for lightening up on 'Tulips'. Say it exactly as darkly as the rest and let the audience do the laughing. Keep the volume low and the diction neat. The turn is the single word 'Tulips.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a straight face you can hear.
Good evening.
I have brought your tea.
Do sit down. I insist.
It is Duskmere Evening Blend. Chamomile. Lavender. A little lemon balm. It has steeped for precisely four minutes. I counted.
I have added something to it. You will not taste it at first.
It is honey.
One cup, and within the hour, your eyelids will grow heavy. You will sleep. Deeply. And wake refreshed.
Duskmere Evening Blend. In the tea aisle.
Drink up. I shall wait.
Direction: Silky, patient, deeply unsettling butler serving a calming bedtime tea, one careful sentence at a time What it is for: Sustaining quiet tension for thirty seconds with almost no change in volume. Coach's note: Watch out for speeding up to fit it all in. Trust the short sentences and keep each one separate. Stay soft and close, with no vocal fry dragging in the throat. The turn is 'It is honey.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for control: thirty seconds of calm that keeps getting creepier.
Good evening.
You asked what became of the old treadmill. And the boxes in the hall. And your brother's drum kit.
They are gone.
I took them away in the night. Nobody saw.
They are resting now, at Lockhaven Self Storage. Unit forty-two. Clean. Dry. Climate controlled. Watched by cameras, day and night.
Only you have the code. And I.
Lockhaven Self Storage. Your first month is one dollar.
The garage is empty now. You could park a car in it.
Imagine that.
Direction: Slow, velvet, sinister butler confessing, in the calmest possible voice, that he has tidied the garage What it is for: A longer menacing read with a list of selling points that must stay clear and unhurried. Coach's note: Watch out for making the feature list sound like a sales pitch. He lists 'Clean. Dry. Climate controlled.' like alibis. Keep the voice easy and unforced so the quiet lines still carry. The turn is 'You could park a car in it.' What casting listens for: Casting listens for a consistent character across thirty seconds, with the menace never louder than a murmur.
Questions
How do I do a scary voice without hurting my throat?
Place the sound forward in your face, not down in your throat, and support it with breath from your belly. If it scratches or tickles, stop and drink some water. Each script has a coach's note on doing that voice safely.
Which character should a beginner start with?
Start with the sinister butler or the whispering ghost. Both are quiet voices, so you can work on the character without any strain.
Can I post my reads of these scripts?
Yes. They are written by us with made-up brand names, and they are free to practice with, record and post.
Reading alone only gets you so far
Members bring scripts like these to class every week and get feedback on the spot, from working coaches.
Use these freely. Every script here was written by VO Journey Academy.
Practice with them, record them, post them as demos, reels or social clips, and use them in auditions.
Please do not resell them or publish them as your own scripts. A credit is always welcome, never required.
