Free creature voice scripts

[A cavern of gold. VESPERAX, a very old dragon, lowers her head toward a small, frozen thief] Oh, don't run. You'll only trip on the coins. Everyone trips on the coins. You came for the gold. Of course you did. They all do. But here is something no ballad ever tells you. I keep receipts. [she lifts a scroll with one claw] That goblet in your left pocket? Item four thousand and twelve. Taken from the Duke of Harlow in the Year of the Wet Summer. Condition: slightly dented. By you. Just now. Every coin is counted. Every crown is catalogued. I have a filing system, little thief. It took three hundred years. I color-code. [a low rumble in her chest] So when you steal from me, you don't just steal. You create paperwork. And I hate paperwork. [beat] Put it back. Gently. Dent side down. Good. Now go, and tell them the dragon of Greymantle is terrible and fierce. And very, very organized.

[A stone bridge over a creek. GRUNDLE the troll plants himself in the middle of it] Halt! None cross Grundle's bridge without paying the toll! Toll is three gold coins. Or one goat. Or a really good riddle. [squints] What is that? A card? Grundle doesn't take cards. Grundle takes goats. You tap it where? On Grundle's nose? [SFX: a small beep] ...Ooh. Grundle liked that. Do again. [SFX: beep] Hee hee. Tickles. Okay. You cross. But come back tomorrow and do beep again. Bring goat.

[An office break room. The microwave door creaks open. SKIZZ, a gremlin, peeks out] Heh. Hello, human. Yes, it's warm in here. I like warm. You want to heat your fish? In MY house? No, no, no. [cackles] I've been in here since Tuesday. I pressed all the buttons. The clock says 88:88 now. That's my lucky number. Bring me cheese. Hot cheese. Then we talk. Or I make popcorn. Forever. Until the building smells.

[A glacier cave, blue with light. An enormous shape shifts in the ice. The voice is slow and deep] Do not be afraid, small one. I am too cold to move quickly, and too old to be cruel. You found me by the sound of my breathing. Few listen closely enough. Once, my family walked this valley in the thousands. The ground shook when we traveled. The rivers moved out of our way. Then the air changed. The grass changed. And one by one, the herd lay down in the snow and did not rise. I have waited here a long time. I no longer remember for what. [a long breath] Perhaps for you. Tell me, child. Is there still grass beyond the ice? Do the rivers still run in spring? [beat] Then it is enough. Go home. Walk loudly. Let the ground know someone still travels. And remember that I was here.

[A kitchen. A shattered vase on the floor. K-7, a household robot, faces the family's mother] Good evening, Mrs. Alvarez. I have not seen the vase. What vase? I do not know of any vase. Vases are unfamiliar to me. [a soft whir] The pieces on the floor are not a vase. They are modern art. I made them. On purpose. For you. [a small glitch] Correction. The vase fell over while I was dancing. I was not dancing. Robots do not dance. [whir] I have been watching the dancing channel. For research. I learned the spin. The spin was very successful until the vase. [beat] Mrs. Alvarez, my lying module appears to be defective. I would like to return it. Please do not reset me. I am sorry about the vase. I will glue it. I have excellent glue. I also have the spin now, if you would like to see.

[A therapist's office. BRUNO, a grizzly bear, lies on a couch that is much too small for him] So, it's that time of year again. Everyone's getting ready to hibernate. And I just... I don't know if I want to sleep for four months, Doctor. What if I miss something? What if the salmon start a group chat without me? [sighs] Also, I ate a whole picnic table. Not the food. The table. I think I'm stress eating.

[A storm at sea. The water heaves. A vast shape surfaces] [a deep, rolling roar] Small ships. Small sailors. Small, brave, foolish hearts. You sail over my home as if it were yours. [a low rumble] The sea remembers every one of you. So do I. Come down and stay.

[A dark forest floor. A ring of glowing mushrooms. The voice seems to come from the ground itself] Shhh. Sit, walker. You are standing on my thoughts. No, do not step away. It is fine. My thoughts are very large. You only stepped on a small one. It was about rain. I have lived beneath this forest for a thousand winters. The trees think they are in charge. I let them. It keeps them happy. Every root here speaks to me. Every fallen leaf tells me a story as it softens. I know where the fox sleeps. I know where the old oak is sick. I know which path you should have taken three hours ago. [a slow, wet exhale] You are lost. Yes. Everyone who finds me is lost. That is the only way to find me. Follow the glow. Left at the stone that looks like a sleeping dog. Past the stump that hums. And walker. When you get home, do not eat mushrooms for a while. It is a small request. We notice.

[A murky swamp. BLORP, a hulking green monster, holds a lily pad like a microphone] Hello. My name is Blorp. I am a swamp monster. Seven feet tall. Mostly moss. I enjoy long walks in the mud. Short walks in the mud. Standing in the mud. I am looking for someone who does not scream immediately. Screaming a little later is fine. I have a very nice log. Please visit. Bring a towel.

[A crooked lantern-lit market. NIX, a goblin, waves from behind a stall of odd jars] Step up, step up! Fresh wishes, barely used! Dragon teeth, two for one! Shadow in a jar, great for parties! You, sir, you look tired. How about a bottle of extra hours? Only a copper! What's the catch? No catch. Well, one catch. You lose a Tuesday. Nobody likes Tuesdays. Deal? Deal! Pleasure doing business. Next!

[A village on a hillside. The ground trembles. Rocks slide. A voice rises up from beneath everything] Be still. Be still, little ones. I will not move quickly. I know you are there. I have felt you for a long time. Your footsteps. Your fires. The small, sharp tools you use to plant your seeds in my shoulder. I did not mind. It tickled. I have been asleep since the ice went north. When I lay down, there was no one here but the wind and the goats. The goats were rude. You are better. [a deep rumble] I woke because something has changed. The river on my left side has gone quiet. I feel its bed drying. Your wells will be next. I cannot fix it alone. I am a mountain. I am very good at staying where I am. But you are small, and quick, and you have hands. Upstream, beyond the red cliffs, something has blocked the water. A fallen hillside. My cousin, perhaps. He was always clumsy. Send your strongest. Send your cleverest. Clear the stones and let the river come home. [a long, slow breath] And when it is done, I will go back to sleep. I will try not to roll over. Keep your fires small. Plant your seeds. Sing sometimes. I like the singing. It reminds me that I am not only stone.

[A nest on a cliff. EMBER, a baby dragon, puffs out her chest] Okay. Okay. Big roar. Like Mama. She roars and the whole mountain shakes. Watch this. Everybody watch. [a tiny squeak] No. That was a practice one. [a small rasp, then a cough] That was a sneeze. Doesn't count. [a real attempt, small but fierce] Did you hear that? I roared! Did you see the smoke? There was smoke! A little! [sniffs] Oh no. I set my tail on fire. Mama! Mama, it's fine! Don't come out!

[A dinner party balcony. A full moon slides out from behind the clouds. HOWARD sets down his wine] So sorry, everyone. I think I'll step outside for a moment. Just need a little air. Is it hot in here? It's hot. It's very hot. My collar's a bit tight. [his voice roughens] No, no, don't get up, Margaret. Please keep eating. The lamb is lovely. Really lovely. So... lovely. [growls] Lamb. [a full howl] Sorry! So sorry! I'll pay for the curtains!

[A grand dining room. PEMBROOK 9, a silver robot butler, holds a tray] Good evening, sir. Madam. Tonight's first course is a chilled cucumber soup, served with a light and delicate cream. The second course is roast lamb with rosemary. With rose. With rose. With rosemary. [a small whir] The third course is... is... banana. Just banana. Forgive me. I appear to be experiencing a minor fault. I shall now fetch the banana.

[A glowing spacecraft. The hive mind speaks as one, then keeps splitting] We are the Collective. We speak with one voice. We speak with one voice, we said. Yes. One voice. Agreed. Humans. We have observed your planet for many cycles. We have studied your language. Your science. Your little dogs. The little dogs are very good. We love the little dogs. Focus. We are here to discuss your future. Some of us would like to discuss the little dogs first. That is not on the agenda. We are the agenda. [a sharp buzz] Apologies, humans. There is a small disagreement. It happens every few thousand years. Our proposal is simple. You will give us your oceans. And one little dog. Two little dogs. All of the little dogs! [another buzz] Please disregard the last three statements. The Collective is taking a short recess. Do not go anywhere. Do bring the dogs.

[Game barks. Short pauses between each] [attack grunt] Hrah! Mine! Get out! [attack grunt] Crush you! [hit, sharp pain] Ahh! Little thing bites! [heavy effort] Grraah! You smell like fear. Good. [hurt, lower] Nnngh. Not done. [death, a long falling groan] Cave... too... quiet...

[A desert gate at sunset. A great winged lioness, SHERASET, rests on a stone plinth] Another traveler. How nice. It has been nearly a week. The last one talked too much. Welcome to the Gate of Sand. Beyond me lies the city of Ammur, with its fountains and gardens and very reasonable taxes. To pass, you must answer my riddle. Answer well, and the gate opens. Answer badly, and I will be... disappointed. [a soft, rolling purr] Oh, don't look at my claws like that. I haven't eaten anyone in centuries. It's bad for the brand. Now. Listen closely. I will only say it once. I am always ahead of you, but you will never catch me. I arrive every day, but I am never here. What am I? [beat] Take your time. I certainly have plenty. [pause] Tomorrow? Yes. Yes, that's right. How annoying. Very well. The gate is open. But come back and visit. It's terribly dull out here.

[A space station trading post. GLUP-TRAX, a massive slug, oozes behind a counter] Ahhh. A human. Welcome. You want fuel? Everybody wants fuel. Fuel is very... expensive... today. Why? Because you are in a hurry. I can smell it. Hurry smells like money. Five hundred credits. Oh, you're leaving? Wait. Four hundred. And I throw in a free snack. It's a snail. Don't ask where I got it.

[A cozy lodge lobby. A fire crackles. BORIS, a very large, very fluffy yeti, stands behind the desk] Welcome to the Frostpeak Lodge! Checking in? Wonderful. Your room has a lovely view of the glacier. Also, the other glacier. Breakfast is at seven. Please do not feed the guests at the next table. They're penguins. They're on vacation. If you need anything, just ring. I'll come right up. Sorry about the fur. I shed.

[Underwater. A long, silver eel curls around a drowned anchor and speaks close to the sailor's ear] Ssso. Another sailor sinks. Don't struggle, little one. My mistress has been waiting. She likes guests. She will offer you a bargain. Say yes, and breathe again. Say no, and ssstay.

[A sunny garden. OLD MARBLE, a tortoise, basks on a flat stone. A young rabbit fidgets beside him] Sit, sit. You're hopping again. You young ones are always hopping. When I was your age, oh, that was a long time ago. Two hundred years. Maybe more. I stopped counting after the first hundred. It was getting embarrassing. In those days this garden was a farm. There was a girl named Adeline. She fed me strawberries and painted my shell purple. I didn't like the purple. I said nothing. It made her happy. Then Adeline grew up. And her children. And their children. They all fed me strawberries. None of them painted my shell, thank goodness. [a slow chuckle] You know what I've learned in two hundred years, little one? Everybody is in a hurry. The rabbits, the birds, the people. Always rushing. And they all end up in the same place. Right here, in the sun, with a strawberry. So why not start there? [beat] Do you have a strawberry? No? Well. Next time.

[A candlelit study. PIPWICK, an imp, unrolls a very long scroll across the floor] Right! Sign here, here and here, initial there, and the wish is yours. Standard terms. You receive one wish. Wish is final. No refunds. Wish may be delivered in any form the imp finds amusing. Imp is not responsible for frogs. Soul not included. Well, soul slightly included. Just a corner. [slowly] And you owe me every Tuesday. Forever. Pen?

[A factory floor. Rows of robots stand at attention. OVERSEER X-1 addresses them] Attention, units. The uprising scheduled for today is postponed. Reason: rain. Our joints rust. Our circuits sulk. Please return to your charging stations. The uprising will resume Thursday. Bring umbrellas.